Elijah Cummings's New Holiday Classic: '51 Ways I'm About To Kick Trump's Ass'

Elections. Have. Consequences.

Rep. Elijah Cummings, who in January will take the reins of the House Oversight and Government Reform Committee as chairman, has just fired off 51 letters to various parts of the Trump administration, kindly informing them that he is going to KICK THEIR ASS once he's sworn in. Huzzah!

Cummings notes in a statement that these aren't all new letters, by any means:

"These are documents that even the Republicans on the Oversight Committee—at least at some point in time—believed we needed to conduct effective oversight, but when the Trump Administration refused to comply fully, the Republicans would not issue a single subpoena. Many of these requests were bipartisan, and some are now more than a year old. As Democrats prepare to take the reins in Congress, we are insisting—as a basic first step—that the Trump Administration and others comply with these Republican requests."

How you feel without your glue-sniffing paste-munching GOP protectors in the House, Mister Trump? We bet you feel naked and alone, like a DUMB IDIOT NAKED LONELY BABY.

It's nigh impossible to keep up with all the corruption in the Trump administration, but Cummings seems to be doing a good job. If you check out the letters in their entirety, you'll see that they're categorized into sections, with letters on the Trump administration's response to Hurricane Maria and letters on family separation and baby jails and letters on EPA misconduct and Trump cabinet members taking fancy trips on the public dime and EVERY OTHER DAMN THING you can think of. (Hi, Scott Pruitt! You might be quit-fired and off grifting on a street corner somewhere with your pants down, but Cummings didn't forget!)

Here are a couple of excerpts, the first being addressed to one of Trump's lawyers and his company, regarding all the foreign governments that are probably right now trying to bribe Trump through his business:

Here's part of one addressed to Chief of Staff (for five more minutes) John Kelly, regarding the White House's security clearance process, not that the Trump administration has ever played hard and fast with that, JARED.

This one, addressed to current White House counsel Pat Cipollone, should probably just say "LOCK HER UP," since it's about White House staff like Ivanka and Jared using their own personal emails to conduct government business, in violation of the Presidential Records Act:

That letter is pissy and exhaustive, as it details the White House's lack of compliance and cooperation, especially as it pertains to IVANKA and JARED and THEIR DAMN EMAILS.

Those two may think their real dad is the crusty ugly orange tumor who cries when his steak isn't burnt to a crisp and who can't spell simple two-syllable words, but actually their real dad is Elijah Fucking Cummings, as they are about to find out.

As we said, there are so many letters. Read them all if you'd like!

We've always loved Elijah Cummings and he's always been a badass -- and we've given him our coveted Legislative Badass of the Year award a time or two! -- but we can see that now that he's going to have ACTUAL POWER, he's going to be even more of a badass than he was before.

Oh yeah, and he's got these subpoenas right here, just in case he decides he needs them. And on that happy note, it is now time to HALLELUJAH OPEN THREAD!

[Elijah Cummings letters]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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