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Yip yip, BrrrriiinnggHow do you "sex up" your latest middlebrow conventional-wisdom financial column in Slate, which is the U.S. News & World Report for people who have learned the computer? You hire a disgraced New York governor now only known for paying far too much money to have sex with a hooker! And that is worth one (1) morning of goofy New York tabloid headlines such as "Slate hot for Love Gov Eliot Spitzer as online finance guru" and two (2) posts on Wonkette. Let's review Spitzer's debut as yet another Web freelancer typing zero-research op-eds on the Internets!


"Last month," Spitzer writes, "as the financial crisis and the government rescue plan dominated headlines ...."

Okay, who sucks more here, Spitzer or the editor? Do not start a fucking column with a pointless time element, Eliot. You're trying to convince us to read your fucking column, today, and the first words you crap out are "Last month"? And then you follow it with something that everybody on Earth already knows about, because it happened, actually, in October, which is now "Two months ago," but whatever.

And then he types something boring about airplane manufacturers and asks, "Why is that so significant?" Well we don't really know, do we, because you are so fucking boring. But we bet you'll spend the next 700 words boringly lecturing anybody lame enough to read the whole thing.

Which we didn't, because come on, there's only so much coffee can do.

Too Big Not To Fail [Slate]

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And now for some very serious TUT TUTTING! It's time again for Republicans to make sad words about President Treason McTraitorpants selling out the country. This time they are seriously concerned, nay even deeply troubled, that Donald Trump would stand next to Vladimir Putin and pretend the Russians didn't hack the 2016 election. These patriotic Republicans are shocked, SHOCKED! Well, not, like, upset enough to do anything about it -- not with a fascist carpooler to jam into the Supreme Court. But they've got tweets, so it's all good!

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Republicans are in a pickle. Midterms are coming up and the party in the White House usually loses seats in those elections. It doesn't help their chances that their guy Donald Trump frolics through fields holding hands with self-made Russian dictator and coincidental poisoner Vladimir Putin, who our own justice department believes attacked our mostly free elections and our true national monument, the Internet.

If you're as old as I am, you'll recall that back in the 1980s, the whole Republican brand involved not trusting the Ruskies, and they were especially disappointed when Kevin Costner turned out to be one in No Way Out. Now, the current Republican president is talking like some kind of crazy commie lib, bashing the FBI and giving the benefit of the doubt to a former KGB agent. During an interview Sunday where he wore a hat with "USA" in big letters on it, presumably so someone could easily return him if he got lost on the field trip, Trump went so far as to call the European Union a "foe" of his country, which if you believe his hat is supposedly the United States not Russia.

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