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Elizabeth Warren Will Tell You Why Mike Pence Sucks Every Day Until The End Of Time

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Elizabeth Warren fully believes Donald Trump is terrible, but she's not delusional enough to think Mike Pence will prove some great relief. Trump's lickspittle vice president is no mild-mannered Gerald Ford who'll help end our current "long national nightmare." Pence is a queer-hating religious bigot. Warren intends to tell you this, very slowly and clearly, until everyone has wised up.

Warren was on "Morning Joe" yesterday, which is what we guess you have to do when you're running for president. Co-host Mika Brzezinski asked her if she thought Brutus Pence was an "honorable man." Warren quickly and reflexively said, "No," as if Brzezinski had offered the Massachusetts senator Manhattan clam chowder. Brzezinski was seemingly stunned, because Democrats are expected to be "civil" and talk about their "friends across the aisle" as if the past 30 years of political history never happened. She asked Warren if she'd "like to expound upon that." Warren said, "Sure!" in that adorably enthusiastic way she has. She's up for any opportunity to tell the world why Pence ain't shit.

WARREN: Anyone who engages in the kind of homophobia and attacks on people who are different from himself is not an honorable person. That's not what honorable people do.

Brzezinski then asked Warren if she thought Bill Clinton should've resigned for having an affair with a "much younger staffer," because they'll never stop talking about this nonsense. Brzezinski is literally married to a guy she met at work but she contends that Clinton's indiscretions somehow got us to where we are today. Warren had to remind her that she doesn't have a "time machine" and can't fix the 1990s (as if anyone should because they were awesome). She can only deal with the problems of today with solutions for a better tomorrow. She can also kick Pence in the ass some more. No flux capacitors are needed to deliver rhetorical ass beatings.

Pence has a laundry list of flaws, but it's beyond impressive that Warren singles out his homophobia as the primary reason he's a douche nozzle. Joe Biden had a brain fart a couple weeks ago and suggested that Pence was a "decent guy." Warren rejected the idea without hesitation.

Reporter: You don't think the vice president is a decent man?

Warren: No.

No hemming and hawing, no "I respectfully disagree with the vice president on this issue," just a straight-up "Pence's positions on queer Americans aren't decent." Full stop. It's frankly annoying that people are surprised. Republicans can argue that Rep. Ilhan Omar is a fire-breathing anti-Semite and that is accepted as an objective truth. Newsweek claimed Warren "accused" Pence of homophobia, as if it was a personal opinion like "he's creepy" as opposed to something clearly evident like "he's definitely creepy."

Lots of supposed "Never Trumpers" are also "Maybe Pencers." They see Pence as a normal, awful Republican, the kind they wish were still in charge. His repulsive views on queer people don't concern them. For many conservatives, they're just a quirk or even a plus. Warren is talking loud and saying something: You can't hide naked bigotry behind a robe of "religious freedom." Homophobia isn't an "opinion." It's as wrong as anti-Semitism, racism, and misogyny.

Warren is also playing the long game. She's suggested with maximum shade that it's not certain Trump is president in 2020 or even a "free person." Although we think a President Pence is highly unlikely, we appreciate that Warren is already making the moral argument against him.

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Stephen Robinson

Stephen Robinson is a writer and social kibbitzer based in Seattle. However, he's more reliable for food and drink recommendations in Portland, where he spends a lot of time for theatre work. His co-adaptation of "Jitterbug Perfume" by Tom Robbins is playing NOW at Pioneer Square's Cafe Nordo. All Wonketters welcome.

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