EMERGENCY WONK'D: THE HAMMER!

Our man in the Capitol breathlessly reports:


So I just ran downstairs to the subway in Rayburn to get a bottle of pop(soda) and the Hammer strolls up next to me at the vending machine. He bought a $1.25 bottle of pop (soda) with nickels, which was annoying,because it took him forever and I was trying not to look like I was waiting around for him. He's a lot shorter than I expected short (my height, which is 5'8" on a good day) and has a huge beer gut. All sorts of Congressmen and women were coming up to him and saying congrats and kissing his ass still. And get this, he still has a Capitol Police detail...a big guy who must be at least 6'6" with a little clear earpiece in his ear following him around. So even though only the leadership is supposed to get a detail, the taxpayers are paying for someone to follow him around 24-7 to make sure he's safe, because he's such an essential part of our government now.

Also, he bought a diet coke.

Nickels? Seriously? Is DeLay trying to launder his Abramoff money the extremely old-fashioned way?

Also, what kind of asshole carries around 25 nickels all the time? Or did he have to shake some people down for change? Was he trading bill riders for nickels? So many questions. Still, though: clearly an asshole. If this gotten out a couple days ago, we think it woulda sunk his primary campaign.

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