She wants to put you in a headlock and make you feel PAIN

EPA spokesperson Liz Bowman, apparently noticing all the squeaking as staffers grab life vests and depart the House That Pruitt Remodeled at Double The Projected Cost, will also be leaving the agency for a brand new job as spokeswoman for Senator Joni Ernst. There, instead of being abusive to reporters on environmental issues, she can be abusive to reporters about a wide range of things, like hog castration. Should be a fun change of pace for Bowman, who came to the EPA, like many of Pruitt's Little Helpers, from the American Chemistry Council, the chemical industry's lobbying group.

Bowman's tenure as top EPA spokesperson was marked by her choice to adapt rightwing Twitter troll style as the official voice of government communication, as in this reply to a request for comment from a New York Times reporter:

No matter how much information we give you, you would never write a fair piece. The only thing inappropriate and biased is your continued fixation on writing elitist clickbait trying to attack qualified professionals committed to serving their country.

What provoked Bowman to that little fit? Some questions about how the EPA makes decisions on regulating chemicals, and about the influence of people from the chemical industry who had taken positions within the agency. No way was Bowman about to let those NYT monsters slander her pals from the lobby group, American Chemistry Council, where she worked.

Bowman also memorably slammed an Associated Press report on flooding of Superfund sites during Hurricane Harvey, accusing an AP reporter of having written the whole thing from the comfort of his desk in Washington instead of finding out what was REALLY happening on the ground (which was under five feet of water) in Houston. It was a hell of a zinger until everyone pointed out that the Washington-based reporter was one of three who contributed to the story -- the other two were actually going out to flooded EPA sites, which might have occurred to Bowman from, like, the photos and on-site details in the article.

Bowman also had the thankless task of trying to coordinate communication about Scott Pruitt's endless series of travel and spending scandals, which certainly gave her valuable experience in stonewalling, prevaricating, and deflection. As the Pruitt Daily Follies unfolded, she started sounding a bit less like a troll, a bit more like what you'd expect from a defensive federal agency hack -- still hostile and sanctimonious, but in a more Washingtonesque vein of hostility. Take for instance, her early defense of Pruitt's first-class travel, before "he had to fly first class to survive!" became the go-to response:

“He’s trying to further positive environmental outcomes and achieve tangible environmental results” through his travel, she said, adding that in the case of the New York trip, “He’s communicating the message about his agenda and the president’s agenda.”

On other domestic trips, Bowman added: “He’s hearing directly from people affected by EPA’s regulatory overreach.”

Avoids the first-class thing, emphasizes how important the man's work is, underscores the emphasis that the agency she works for is out of control and must be burned to the ground to be saved. Evil, but reasonably well-constructed bafflegab.

It's worth noting that, unlike a number of others who have jumped ship from the EPA, Bowman doesn't appear to have personally been up to anything nasty in the burn-down-the-woods shed. Apart from the day to day lying and justification of policies that are the exact opposite of environmental protection, that is.

Bowman's farewell statement to the press was a model of proper Washington bullshitting, especially given the EPA's focus on abandoning its original mission for the important work of rolling over for polluters:

Bowman said she was leaving the EPA “extremely thankful for the opportunity to serve the Trump administration and Administrator Pruitt.”

“Being a member of the EPA team has allowed me to further my skills, learn from my mistakes and make lifelong friendships,” Bowman said. “It has also provided me the opportunity to develop a new, and deep, respect for the public servants who serve the American people, day in and day out, to ensure that we all have access to clean air, land, and water.”

Well bullshat, Ms. Bowman. We're glad you're sticking around Washington for a while to lie on behalf of another rightwing flake. At this rate, you'll have a New York Times or Wall Street Journal column of your own in no time. Start building up your stock of anecdotes about ordinary people you've never met now!

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Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

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Nancy Pelosi is making news again today after her weekly press conference, mostly because she said this about yesterday's nutbag performance from President Stable Genius:

[T]his time, another temper tantrum — again — I pray for the President Of The United States. I wish him and his family, his administration and staff would have an intervention for the good of the country.

She prays for him. And she's just kind of suggesting that maybe the president is unwell, in his brain. She's being very subtle!

When Glenn Thrush asked afterward what kind of "intervention" she might be talking about, she suggested that Article 25 would be just fine.

But many folks out there right now are saying "BUT WHAT ABOUT INPEACH! They are not going to do an intervention, because the intervention is called INPEACH!" (They are taking her words very literally, it would seem.) Every other damn day lately, there is news about how "NANCY SAID INPEACH IS BAD" or "NANCY SAID TRUMP'S ACTIONS IS SELF-INPEACH-ATORY, WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN, NANCY!" and whatever else, we don't know, because we have muted all of Twitter until further notice. (Here is some news about the House Democrats' weekly meeting yesterday, most of which was about Democrats yelling INPEACH! while Nancy Pelosi gave them cold showers.)

Here's the thing:

In today's presser, Pelosi was clearer than ever about her feelings on impeachment -- she doesn't like it, and she'd really hate for the nation to get to a place where that's inevitable, she is just saying it would be truly terrible for them to have to do that -- but they might just be FORCED to go there. And wouldn't that be just terrible? Nancy Pelosi is praying about that just like she is praying for Trump, under a big oak tree that casts all the shade she threw at Donald Trump for her entire fucking presser.

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Happy Throwback Thursday! Remember Paul Manafort? He's still in jail, don't worry. But it looks like he might be getting some company soon from his old pal Stephen Calk, who just got indicted today by the Southern District of New York.

Calk was a simple CEO and COB at the Federal Savings Bank of Chicago, but he had big dreams. He'd been an army pilot and a money guy, so he figured he was competent to be either Secretary of Treasury or Secretary of Army. He'd take Commerce or HUD, or even a cool ambassadorship to France, or the UK, or the UN -- he wasn't picky. Just any old position befitting a guy who is 100 percent going to be played by Michael McKean in the movie version of this nightmare.

Luckily Calk knew a guy on the inside. Sure that guy had recently been You're Fired from the Trump campaign for ratfucking the Ukrainian election, but Paul Manafort was still waving his bits all over Trumpland in the summer and fall of 2016, so Paul Manafort had the hookup that Calk needed. Luckily, Calk had what Manafort needed, which was MONEY. Manafort's fountain of untaxed cash had dried up since the Ukrainians gave his guy Viktor Yanukovych the boot, and he was in danger of losing multiple investment properties to foreclosure. So naturally Calk stepped up to the plate with $15 million in loans to keep the wolves at bay, because what are friends with more political ambition than scruple for, right?

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