Can Somebody Hold Eric Swalwell's Beer While He Kicks Richard Burr Square In The Dick?
All the mainstream media reporters (KEN DILANIAN) were POSITIVELY JIZZY this week to report that the GOP-led Senate Intelligence Committee was almost done investigating, and that they, the grown-up investigators in the room, had determined that NO COLLUSION! We hated to do it, but we really had to give those reporters (KEN DILANIAN FROM NBC NEWS) a scolding for that one, because they always do this. "The Mueller investigation is almost over! According to sources! Who are blowing smoke up my ass, probably! My name is KEN DILANIAN!"
We've written two stories in the past two days that show the investigation (at least the Mueller one) is still wide open, and that there's more smoke than there ever was before concerning literal actual collusion conspiracies between Trumpers, Russia and other hostile foreign powers. This, despite the fact that the GOP Senate Intelligence Committee chair says NO COLLUSION! Or at least he hasn't seen any direct evidence of collusion, to which a Senate Intel staffer replied, "The word 'direct' is doing a lot of work here, buckaroo." (They did not say "buckaroo.") And then on Wednesday, Burr reasserted that NO COLLUSION! Clearly Burr has decided that it is his job to be the new Devin Nunes. (No word on whether or not he's set up a dating profile on Cow Mingle Dot Com, but probably.)
Strange, then, that on Tuesday, Democratic Senate Intel Committee vice chair Mark Warner -- who always presents a united front with his pal Burr, because SENATE! and BIPARTISANSHIP! -- went public to say, in the absolutely most collegial way possible, that Burr is full of shit.
"Respectfully, I disagree," Warner said Tuesday. "I'm not going to get into any conclusions I've reached because my basis of this has been that I'm not going to reach any conclusion until we finish the investigation. And we still have a number of the key witnesses to come back."
See? RESPECTFULLY, Mark Warner must assert that Richard Burr should go eat a big one next Tuesday, because Richard Burr is
And now Democratic Rep. Eric Swalwell, a member of the newly resurrected House Intelligence Committee -- it was scientifically dead when Devin Nunes was cow-fucking his way through it in the last Congress in service of protecting Donald Trump -- is getting in on the action. Swalwell, a former prosecutor, is just 'splaining some #LAW to Richard Burr about the difference between "direct" evidence and" circumstantial evidence," and how the law doesn't actually differentiate between the two, and he's doing it in terms even young children can understand. Read this and see if you agree with Wonkette that maybe Richard Burr should stop sucking Donald Trump's ass in public with his attention-grabbing headlines of NO COLLUSION!
ANSWER THE QUESTION, SENATOR "AARON BURR IS MY 12TH COUSIN THEREFORE I AM PROBABLY A MOTHERFUCKER." (If that is even his real name.)
In summary and in conclusion, Richard Burr is a nitwit who is probably compromised in some way, he needs to STFU, and all journalists (KEN DILANIAN) need to stop taking his shit seriously, just like they did with Burr's fellow pal from the Trump campaign/transition team Devin Nunes, once it was clear Nunes was nothing more than a compromised Trump slut.
Speaking of, y'all should read Ryan Goodman on all the myriad reasons nobody should trust Richard Burr's statements on the Russia investigation, based on, among other things, his own conduct during the 2016 campaign. Here's a teaser: Did you know that when Burr joined the Trump campaign as a foreign policy adviser, he had already been fully briefed on what US intelligence knew about Russia's efforts to tip the election for Trump, because, due to his role on the Senate Intel Committee, he was part of the so-called Gang Of Eight?
Want another teaser? LONG after Burr had been fully briefed on all that stuff -- and it was a lot of stuff -- and just four days before he officially joined the Trump campaign, he publicly said he had "yet to see anything" that had convinced him Russia was working on Trump's behalf. You know, besides all those fucking intelligence briefings that said Russia was working on Trump's behalf.
Yeah, that shit happened. It only gets more horrifying from there.
Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT HERE, DO IT RIGHT HERE!
Wonkette is ad-free and funded ONLY by YOU, our dear readers. Click below to keep the lights on, please. We appreciate you, most of the time.