Eternal Bachelor David Dreier To Leave House, Closet?

The tanned and dapper California Republican who dated Greatest American Hero George W. Bush's sister Doro, and yet never porked her, not even once (to classy dame Barbara's great dismay), will leave Congress as his shitty Inland Empire district has been redrawn. And guess what? It's now full of Mexicans .

(Haha, letting "citizens" redraw the districts was supposed to keep it from being gerrymandered by those vicious Democrats. As with everything in the history of democracy -- American Idol , America -- letting citizens run it turned out terribly. Even Dreier's neighbor and beloved "most corrupt member of Congress" Rep. Jerry Lewis is retiring, because of the liberal Mexican menace.

The congressman, who's second only to Rep. Dana Rohrabacher for Rumors of Ghey, also "dated" leathery Republican mummy and that chick your dad used to choke it to, Bo Derek. And that is all he is famous for, that and probably liking to sex in men's bottoms, the end.

[ LA Times ]