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Sad news for the denizens of the Fox News studios, because it turns out shit is on fire over there and the only way to put it out is to tie Sean Hannity, Lou Dobbs and Jeanine Pirro together in a knot, dropkick them into the sun and just hope the "Fox & Friends" dumbfucks grab on to their legs like "WAIT FOR ME GUYS WAIT FOR ME!"

OK maybe not literally. (As if we have to explain that ...)

Gabe Sherman reports on what's going on over there in Trump TV hell, the Rupert Murdoch network that's been tearing America apart one family at a time for many years now, and it's not pretty. If you watch the other networks, you'll notice that reporters and hosts are often careful to note that Fox News employs some very talented people, and it's not because they're just being chickenshits. (OK, not always.) The reason is that, despite the 24/7 bullshit that spews forth from that place, the network does employ many real journalists who work every day to tell the truth, to uncover the good stories, and who don't wish to be seen as mouthpieces for Donald Trump's state-run TV.

And according to Sherman, it's that side of the business that's just about fuckin' THROUGH with Hannity, Pirro, Lou Dobbs, and the rest of the white supremacist hatemongering lie-fuckers on primetime Fox News. It doesn't sound like they're fans of the morning idiot couch either.


Fox journalists, bristling at being branded an arm of the Trump White House, are lobbying Fox News C.E.O. Suzanne Scott and president Jay Wallace to rein in Fox & Friends, Sean Hannity, Lou Dobbs, and Jeanine Pirro. "Reporters are telling management that we're being defined by the worst people on our air," a frustrated senior Fox staffer told me last month. News staffers are feeling emboldened to go after Trump in increasingly visible ways.

You know, it's interesting, because there are three stories out there in today's news cycle that serve to elucidate that paragraph. First of all, Fox News judge Andrew Napolitano, heretofore known as an idiot but who seems to have been slowly turning from the dark side, went public with an op-ed and video declaring that the Mueller Report not only exposes Donald Trump as a criminal, but an immoral criminal at that. Meanwhile, the Daily Beast has the story of an email chain that happened at Fox yesterday, where Fox News Radio White House correspondent John Decker reply-all-ed his colleagues about the network's coverage of Trump's "Good People On Both Sides, Some Of Them, I Assume, Are Rapists" comments about the Charlottesville Nazis and Joe Biden's resurrection of that event in his campaign announcement. Apparently Decker put Fox News shitheel Doug McKelway and others on blast for defending the Nazis and their president, saying, "Your posts read like something you'd read on a White Supremacist chat room." Ouch. Like, true, but ouch for a reply-all email chain.

The third story is the counterweight to the first two, and it's the idol-worshipping tongue-bathing Sean Hannity gave Dear Leader Trump last night, when the president called in to the show to yammer like history's stupidest dictator for 45 minutes straight.

So we can kind of see the identity crisis that's creeping out!

Advertisers have been running like hell from the Fox primetime line-up since approximately the 95th most recent time Pirro or Ingraham accidentally did white supremacy or, like, insulted a high school student who survived a gun massacre. Several times a week, we see tweets from Fox-watchers pointing out that sometimes the only commercials on certain Fox primetime shows are for the My Pillow guy and whichever cheapo outlet in your town sells above-ground swimming pools (easier to bury gold bars under them, ayup).

While Fox's prime-time shows generate the lion's share of the network's ratings and ad revenues, there have been increasing issues with lost advertising. Many blue-chip companies don't want to buy time on those shows because of the divisive pro-Trump content. "Executives are very worried Fox & Friends will be next. If advertisers start bailing on them, they're screwed," an insider said.

Ruh roh! Whatever will they do!

Gabe Sherman reports that new Fox CEO Lachlan Murdoch is obviously between a rock and a hard place, because he can't just wake up one morning and decide to be the CEO of an actual journalism network, because know what would happen then? The one person in America who live-tweets every fart and belch from the morning fuckshows and the nighttime fuckshows would get mad! We are, of course, talking about the duly unelected president of the United States.

Remember what happened when Fox suspended Jeanine Pirro for attempting to start her own Crusades against Rep. Ilhan Omar? Trump got so mad he TWEETED STUFF. And not only that, but Trump called Lachlan's daddy Rupert to tattle! Multiple times!

Inside Fox, staffers speculated Pirro would be fired, two sources told me, but Trump pre-empted such a move by calling Rupert Murdoch to complain about her suspension. Fox agreed to allow Pirro to come back on the air but cut her opening monologue, a venue for her most incendiary rhetoric. When Trump found out about that, he called Rupert again, a source said.

And of course, Sherman reports that even worse than making Trump angry is MAKING SEAN HANNITY ANGRY GRRR ARGH. You see, Sherman says Hannity is still gushing forth with sad snowflake feelings that Roger Ailes got fired (PBUH, just kidding fuck his rotting corpse) and Bill Shine got fired. Also, he is pretty sure it's he and his fellow deranged white power conspiracy theorists on Fox After Dark who pay the bills, THEREFORE ERGO COGITO ERGO SUM Hannity is gonna leave when his contract comes up in 2021, and then everybody will be sorry! (Like, we guess when he has his own cable access Alex Jones-style YouTube show, at least until YouTube bans him like a common Alex Jones?)

"Sean doesn't feel supported," a staffer close to him said. "He has no relationship with Lachlan. Sean thinks, Wait a second, I was hired to get ratings and I get ratings, but now people are embarrassed about me?"

Um, Sean? Yes. Have you seen your show? Yes. Or your face in the mirror? Yes. All self-respecting people at your work are embarrassed by you. Yes. The people on the news side of Fox are trained journalists, Sean. Yes. They talk about you behind your back, which we can infer because they are talking to Gabe Sherman about you. Yes. If you faked your own death, you'd wish you had really escaped this mortal coil when you see how few of your coworkers show up at your fake funeral. Yes. Like, it'll be one makeup lady and Trump, but she'll leave early because he won't stop trying to grab her by the pussy. Truly a WOMP WOMP scene, would not attend.

Yes.

Yes and his heart was going like mad and yes I said yes I will Yes.

Anyway, it's your OPEN THREAD. Yes.

[Vanity Fair]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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