Even in 2019, We Had A Load Of Nice Things
Holy moly, we just realized that we're just a few days short of a whole year of these Nice Things Sundays! We got started the first weekend of January 2019 when we realized the deleted comments were all boring, and maybe a break from the unrelenting awfulness of the news might be a good idea. (The deletia still tend to be boring.) So today I thought it might be fun to look back at some of the silliness we've brought you, and of course to add to it with some new stuff as well. Or maybe I'll just shovel in all the cat and puppy pictures I can find and call it a day, because that's what the internet runs on, after all.
Looking back over those first few posts, I see I put out my first call for readers' pet photos pretty quickly, in Nice Things' fourth outing on January 27. And wouldn't you know it, I'm still working through that trove of pics! The photo up top was in the comments on that day, and there are still a lot of other photos to choose from. Needless to say, if you have a pet photo (or a gorgeous True Life Nature Photo of your own) you'd like to submit, go for it, and you may even see it at the top of this column in 2020. Or 2021, at this rate. Please include your critter's name if you want your critter named! It helps if the photo is in landscape mode, and if there's some room to fit in the "Nice Things!" label. But I can work with other arrangements, like so:
But First, A Word From A Doktor Of Rhetoric
I guess I'm not quite finished with my Festivus Airing of Grievances, because on Friday, the Twitters were entirely too full of people misusing the term "ad hominem" to complain that others were saying mean things about them. Which meant I had to correct people who insisted on being wrong on the internet.
Fortunately, I had a ready-made explanation from a 2014 Dear Shit Fer Brains that I could tweet. "Ad Hominem," remember, is Latin for "advertise some hominy," and is the logical fallacy of trying to undercut an opponent by pointing out unsavory things about the person instead of addressing their arguments. Like, for instance, pointing out "Ted Cruz has one fugly-ass Civil War beard" and leaving it at that, without explaining why he's wrong. (As you can see, ad hominems can be factual.)
So here's my helpful correction of "Chirpster22," a dipshit who didn't like what I'd written about Ben Ghazi, who also had a fugly beard.
But we would like to at least help educate Chirpster22, should such a thing be possible: an ad hominem attack is different from an insult. For example, "Chirpster22 is a syphilitic whoretortoise" is an insult. An ad hominem argument would be the substitution of an insult for a reason in an argument, as in, "Chirpster22 is wrong about Benghazi because he is a rodent-felching gnome-buggerer." The mere presence of an insult does not create an ad hominem argument, as long as there is also an argument being made: "Chirpster22's comment is a list of Dok Zoom's alleged rhetorical sins, but the pathetic fuckbag couldn't be troubled to actually demonstrate that Dok had a flaw in his logic. Christ, what a tosser." Glad we could be of assistance, nutclot.
I think that holds up pretty well, all in all. But don't go asking for a sequel:
@grayandgrumpy The straw man fallacy smells funny.— Doktor Zoom (@Doktor Zoom) 1577485927.0
Also too, at the risk of tooting my own toots, I was flattered by this nice person who liked that helpful guide:
Dok works in profanity the way other artists might work in oils or clay. It is his true medium, a master. https://t.co/fR7t0FQXGg— SleepyStoic (@SleepyStoic) 1577562814.0
Aww, you filthy fuckaducks (coined by Sara Benincasa, stoled by me) are so sweet!
Remember Trucker Cats?
Back in January, we wrote about r/TruckerCats, the first of many reminders that Reddit is not just a lot of icky conspiracy theorists. The subreddit is still going strong, with photos and videos of cats in trucks. Like so!
And from that first post, poor Maverick getting his foot stuck in his ear:
And remember, if your truck didn't come from the factory with a Fuzzy Headrest, you can always add one.
Stephen King's Corgi Is Still Evil
Stephen King's dog Molly, the Thing of Evil. That's all.
After toppling her toy box late at night and killing a couple of unsuspecting stuffed animals, Molly--aka the Thing… https://t.co/hk1sxnbn2F— Stephen King (@Stephen King) 1557322612.0
I am sorry to report that Molly, aka the Thing of Evil, was overserved tonight. https://t.co/dFwe9ro80J— Stephen King (@Stephen King) 1549074543.0
Molly, aka the Thing of Evil, takes a break to refill her bile ducts and the anger organ that serves as her heart. https://t.co/LemEtY3BVc— Stephen King (@Stephen King) 1531518329.0
(Srsly, for some cute -- but EVIL -- pupper pics, just do an advanced Twitter search of King's account. Or hit that link there.
Molly has a back story, even. Or at least a baby pic.
Molly, 2014: The origin of evil. https://t.co/ZSlKM7uBdX— Stephen King (@Stephen King) 1472260250.0
Also, Molly video from 2016:
Molly, aka the Thing of Evil, and her Uncle McMurtry enact a play called THIS YEAR'S ELECTION. https://t.co/lJsAWPPuEN— Stephen King (@Stephen King) 1470183033.0
More recent Molly!
Molly, aka the Thing of Evil, prepares her jaws for her next encounter with the UPS man, while Yoshi, the Thing of… https://t.co/qHYEuK8l8z— Stephen King (@Stephen King) 1573685824.0
Molly, aka the Thing of Evil, wishes you a happy Thanksgiving (she actually said "a crappy Thanksgiving," but I cha… https://t.co/HoQ05sG0PU— Stephen King (@Stephen King) 1574961496.0
For my birthday, Molly--aka the Thing of Evil--gave me a new shirt. She suggested I wear it today. She further sugg… https://t.co/kvH8RzKqkj— Stephen King (@Stephen King) 1569098934.0
Stuck Dogs and Quacking Cats
From September, and also from Reddit. You got yer Dogs Who Are Stuck but Pretending Everything is Fine, and yer cats who quack.
When I cough, the cat quacksyoutu.be
Dok Got A Cat
In August, I adopted a cat who arrived with the second-best cat name ever, Thornton (the BEST cat name ever went to my first cat ever, Bartleby, because cats would prefer not to. Though they say they're not particular). No idea if his original person was a fan of Thornton Wilder, but my apartment is definitely His Town now. Here, have some Thornton!
At PetsMart's meet-the-cats room:
And then he came home and is wonderful.
I guess what I'm saying here is, CAT!
The Briefly Ubiquitous English Cow
@TheMERL I feel more like this today :) https://t.co/oNLxf6keKE— Mike Cooling (@Mike Cooling) 1560946385.0
Even our own Robyn Pennacchia got in on the game:
@RobynElyse I like this one. One dog goes one way and the cow goes the other. And this guy's saying, "Whaddya want… https://t.co/Ho0FIXC88N— The Museum of English Rural Life (@The Museum of English Rural Life) 1560956622.0
We noticed that the parodies had missed America's Greatest Artist, John McNaughton, so we fixed that oversight:
I see no reason to explain any of this. Some is newish, some is oldish, and it's all just strange and terrific. And fine, it's not all from Twitter.
the perfect video doesn’t exi- https://t.co/VCB1JQhj77— rae paoletta (@rae paoletta) 1561834371.0
Mother Parrot posing with her newly hatched baby bird https://t.co/qzJaEoXEE6— 41 Strange (@41 Strange) 1564434177.0
(The full pic is epic, and appears to have been bouncing around the interwebs since at least 2017.)
HT Liverpool 0-1 Man City Anyway, here’s some dogs skipping... https://t.co/EoSLgsn88y— Football Mumble (@Football Mumble) 1564930425.0
This is my new favourite thing https://t.co/DAtPXlifdj— Giles Paley-Phillips (@Giles Paley-Phillips) 1570280706.0
What the fluff?! 😂😂 https://t.co/MKe9uw25sC— Welcome To Nature (@Welcome To Nature) 1549751563.0
Um, I’m not convinced the people behind this audiobook cover art knew what A Modest Propsal is about... https://t.co/AVwwJl8wnk— Fergus Butler-Gallie (@Fergus Butler-Gallie) 1565737619.0
"You merely adopted the dark. I was born in it, molded by it." https://t.co/APRyJFGKjS— ellie sunakawa (@ellie sunakawa) 1567716595.0
Butters: “When we destroy all the other humans, you shall be the last, my child.” https://t.co/mFIJ6Wq6CG— Adam Serwer🍝 (@Adam Serwer🍝) 1571060589.0
JUST IN: 2 local friends see each other unexpectedly on the street in New York City https://t.co/jKJlUE15gf— NYC Scanner (@NYC Scanner) 1568064828.0
@ChuckWendig Sometimes after a long day at work, we come home, and the cats sing us old Irish drinking songs https://t.co/09BBAAfdxh— Robert Maguire (@Robert Maguire) 1567821527.0
*looks around surreptitiously* .... B-B-B-BENNY AT THE VET https://t.co/SirGg90PKS— southpaw (@southpaw) 1567741807.0
@ChuckWendig And, not to be outdone, her stepsister https://t.co/rgN5WfxDzf— Paul Krueger (@Paul Krueger) 1567815028.0
@ChuckWendig Ripley insists that she has not outgrown her bed. https://t.co/57yeoE0kOO— Concerned (@Concerned) 1567833770.0
@ChuckWendig @KatWithSword I love catpuddles!! This one is leaking out of his container https://t.co/Be5lL55A8P— Gray in Seattle (@Gray in Seattle) 1567817086.0
DAD & BABBY TALK! You may need to embiggen the volume to hear this, but remember to turn it down again, yeesh, you're so absent-minded!
Dad and son have adorable conversationyoutu.be
NOW TURN THE VOLUME DOWN IMMEDIATELY SO THE NEXT VIDEO YOU WATCH DOESN'T STARTLE THE CAT!
@DoktorZoom https://t.co/jV9licb4xQ— Daniel (@Daniel) 1560580231.0
Pupdate: Hugo has been fetched by his dad. https://t.co/MfxICLbypA— Mairéad Lynn (@Mairéad Lynn) 1553271851.0
OK, you people have yourselves a terrific Sunday, and we'll keep bringing you nice things next year, and oh golly we almost forgot the CUSSY BOTANY GUY, Tony Santore, who puts our own paltry efforts at cussing to shame:
Annotated, Profanity-laced Checklist of Desert Ultramaficsyoutu.be
Happy Freakin' New Year, ya dorks. Oh, shit, we forgot the ROADRUNNERS POST, too.
VITAL UPDATE: my road runner porch-buddy used to run away if I wanted a pic but now when he catches a lizard he KNO… https://t.co/549sgd3mMS— Havi Brooks (@Havi Brooks) 1558224155.0
Go read that one again, OK? Really, we're out of here. It is now your open thread!
Yr Wonkette is supported entirely by reader donations. Sending us some money would be the Nicest Thing ever!
Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.