Everybody Hates All Declared Candidates
Republicans are unhappy with the GOP frontrunners because they consist of a fascist homosexual abortionist, a fascist Alzheimer's patient and a Parisian Scientologist Mormon.
The GOP faithful say, "Please can we have an old Hollywood actor guy on his second or third marriage so we can have the Family Values?" And behold, Fred "Mumbly Joe" Thompson emerges like Aphrodite from the spermy waves.
Democrats are fairly satisfied with their frontrunners -- a chain-smoking terrorist and Barky McWarmonger -- so that means the star quality of the "Draft Whoever" Dems isn't quite up to the Law & Order dude's level. In other words, DRAFT MARK J. GREEN.
Wait, who? Ahhh, right, that guy ... the guy who lost to Mike Bloomberg, who managed to easily beat Green using the typical NYC liberal strategy of, er, becoming a Republican. Green has also lost elections to Alfonse D'Amato (Senate), Chuck Schumer (Senate) and Andrew Cuomo (New York Attorney General). Green also played significant roles in the losing presidential campaigns of Gary Hart and John Kerry.
SEND MARK J. GREEN!