Donate

where you at, broseph?


Oh how interesting things have just gotten! We reported earlier that raving dickweasel House Intelligence Committee Chair Devin Nunes revealed in his (daily?) press conference Friday that Trump weirdo Paul Manafort, who looks to be more in bed with the Russians than ANY of these other goons, had graciously volunteered to come forward and give testimony to the committee in its now-compromised investigation into the Trump team's collusion with Russia. Now CNN tells us that two more wankers from Donald Trump's inner circle, Carter Page and Roger Stone, have also raised their hands and said, "Pick me! Pick me! I wanna do testimonials to Congress!" Even better, they both want to testify PUBLICLY.

Get a load of the drama queen statement from Stone's lawyer:

"Mr. Stone deeply resents that several members of your Permanent Select Committee have intimated that he has committed treason in his political, press and social media activities," the letter states. "As Mr. Stone has repeatedly stated publicly since these matters have come to light, he is eager to voluntarily appear in open session in front of the Permanent Select Committee on Intelligence without the necessity of a subpoena. Mr. Stone is anxious to redress the false and misleading way he has been portrayed by some on the Permanent Select Committee."

And now Stone himself:

"I acknowledge I am a hardball player. I have sharp elbows. I always play politics the way it is supposed to be played," Stone said. "But one thing isn't in my bag of tricks -- treason."

He'll be ready to testify as soon as he wakes from this latest fainting spell, having had his genteel and well-regarded name sullied by these lurid accusations!

One name that's not on the list of dudes who are SO 'SCITED to testify is disgraced foreign agent/fired national security adviser Michael Flynn. WHERE HE AT, Y'ALL? Oh, he's just in the pages of the National Enquirer (what is run by Trump BFF Michael Pecker) getting called a "Russian spy." Weird, right? Trump and Flynn seemed to love each other so much! But we guess now Trump thinks Flynn is a Russian loser from the Russian town of Loser-grad. Poor Russian spy guy! :(

John Aravosis at AmericaBlog, and all of us here at Wonkette, are having the same question about Flynn right now: Has Flynn turned state's evidence against Team Trump? Is that why the White House is turning on him?

Intelligence expert John Schindler adds some context:

Let's make up a conspiracy theory and then get proven right in a few weeks/months/minutes when the whole truth comes out, shall we? Let's say the White House did choreograph this past week of "WHY IS DEVIN NUNES SAYING BULLSHIT ON MY TV EVERY FIVE SECONDS?" And let's also assume the White House is pushing Paul Manafort, Carter Page and Roger Stone to come forward, willingly and with loving patriotism in their hearts, to testify. And let's say the White House also got the National Enquirer to call Michael Flynn a Russian spy. HMMMMMM, can anybody see what Trump might be doing here? Hint: It involves throwing Michael Flynn into a currently erupting volcano, in Russia, and hoping that letting him get incinerated by lava will sate everyone's appetite for answers to the Trump Russia investigation.

If Flynn really has turned state's evidence against Team Trump -- or if he's fixin' to get ready to -- it would make sense, from a pure strategery perspective, for the White House to try to discredit him as much as possible.

By the way, we created our conspiracy theory by reading this tweet from Schindler and then thinking about it in our brain, MUST CREDIT JOHN SCHINDLER:

So will this little plan work, assuming it actually is the plan? We dunno! Because as we see it -- or as we wildly speculate it -- this is what might happen when those three other goons testify:

  • Carter Page, the one who may have orchestrated the sale of a large stake in Russian oil company Rosneft to (????TRUMPPEOPLE????), is freaked. That boy will SING LIKE A CANARY, and then he will sing like a choir boy, and when he's done with those kinds of singing, he will sing showtunes until he's out of breath, because as Schindler noted on Twitter, these ding dongs really want to go to "tennis prison," and not the bad scary kind of prison.
  • Roger Stone will have many costume changes during his testimony (faaaaaabulous fedoras and all!), he will flail his arms about wildly, he will get assassinated by the Deep State at least five times during his hearing, and he will ultimately incriminate the living balls out of himself, and then immediately deny having done so.
  • Paul Manafort will just perjure himself to death.

Meanwhile, where is Michael Flynn again? Is he in James Comey's back pocket? (Comey is at the White House this afternoon, by the way, for we don't know why.) Is he in ADAM SCHIFF'S back pocket? Schiff did say earlier this week that he now knows something about Team Trump's collusion with Russia that is more than circumstantial evidence.

WELL HUH, THIS STORY JUST KEEPS GETTING FUNNER AND FUNNER, HAVE A NICE WEEKEND, EVERYONE, WHILE AMERICA STILL EXISTS AND STUFF! Also, this is your Open Thread.

Wonkette, a well known SPY BLOG, is fully funded by readers like you. If you liked this post, click below to throw us a few dollars!

[CNN]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

$
Donate with CC
Image: Marriott Hotels

Great GOP wordsmith Frank Luntz, the guy who gave us the "death tax" and who urged the George W. Bush administration to talk about "climate change" since it was less politically motivating than "global warming," did some more of his characteristic word magic today! While staying at the Hotel Imperial in Vienna, Austria, Luntz offered this cautionary tale about the evils of socialism, as illustrated by the shoddy conditions in a 5-star luxury hotel owned by Dubai's "Al Habtoor" conglomerate and operated by Marriott:

Talk about your grim hellholes! Apparently, there's only one elevator in the entire building, and it's been broken for three days, proving that European-style socialism is a failure that should never be imported to the USA, where -- damn it! -- all buildings work!

As some smartass pointed out, now Luntz may have to take the STAIRS, like a common Bolshevik!

We're still trying to get our heads around how a delay in getting an elevator fixed in a luxury hotel owned by the United Arab Emirati proprietors of Dubai's

  • Habtoor Grand Resort
  • Waldorf Astoria Dubai Palm Jumeirah
  • Habtoor Palace, LXR Hotels & Resorts
  • V Hotel, Curio Collection by Hilton
  • Hilton Dubai Al Habtoor City
  • Metropolitan Hotel Dubai
  • Al Habtoor Polo Resort

as well as

  • Imperial Hotel, a Luxury Collection Hotel, Vienna (Austria)
  • Hilton London Wembley (United Kingdom)
  • Hilton Beirut Habtoor Grand (Lebanon)
  • Hilton Beirut Metropolitan Palace (Lebanon)
  • President Abraham Lincoln Springfield – a DoubleTree by Hilton Hotel (United States)
  • InterContinental Budapest (Hungary)
  • The Ritz-Carlton, Budapest (Hungary)

is an example of the horrors of socialism, but then, we don't earn the big bucks like Luntz does. Austria is among the 14 richest countries in the world, so we're fairly certain it's not a commie hellhole. Then again, there is a very strong social safety net, so maybe people in subsidized housing stole all the elevator parts. Or perhaps the elevator would have been fixed sooner if only Austria didn't have such strong unions. It's a mystery.

Or maybe it's that NATIONAL socialism that's the problem, seeing as it has socialism RIGHT IN THE NAME!

Adolf Hitler, once a day labourer outside the Hotel Imperial Vienna, returned as the Führer and "delivered a speech to a rapturous crowd from [the hotel] suite's balcony, on 14 March 1938", according to www.famoushotels.org.

We suppose it's worth noting that the Imperial is decidedly not owned or operated by the Austrian government, where a far-Right coalition has recently imploded -- although maybe Luntz is confused about that, since official state guests are traditionally housed there. In any case, the elevator's busted, it's in Europe, Europe is socialist, and Frank Luntz is homesick for America, where no elevator ever goes unrepaired for an entire weekend. It simply has never happened because of our efficient free market!

Still, Luntz's tweet inspired some valuable reflections on how economic theory shapes the reality of everyday life. This is the kind of Austrian economics we can support.



In conclusion, capitalism always allocates resources efficiently and fairly, although that still doesn't explain why Frank Luntz has a job. And now it would be your DOKTOR ZOOM'S BIRTHDAY PARTY OPEN THREAD, if only the socialists would fix the elevator, the end.

Yr Wonkette is entirely supported by donations from you, the reader. Please send us money so socialists won't make us take the stairs.

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)

$
Donate with CC

Spinal Tap - Gimme Some Money

Some dick is suing your Wonkette! If you are able, will you please send money?

1. Pick "just once" or "monthly."

2. Pick an amount, like say "all of the money."

3. Click "paypal" if you are paypal or "stripe" if you are not paypal.

4. MONEY.

5. Carry on with your day, and with new posts below!

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)

$
Donate with CC
Donate

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)

Newsletter

©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc