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Old Handsome Joe Biden has once again deliberately violated Wonkette's very clearly-stated commenting policy, speculating that if he got the chance, he'd happily pop that ol' bully Donald Trump one, pow, right in the kisser.

No, Yr Wonkette has not accidentally re-posted a story from October 2016. It's Biden himself who's calling back to that story, virtually word for word; during a speech in Miami Tuesday, the 75-year-old former Veep was still plenty mad about Trump's Access Hollywood tape, and said,

A guy who ended up becoming our national leader said, "I can grab a woman anywhere and she likes it" [...] They asked me if I’d like to debate this gentleman, and I said no. I said, "If we were in high school, I’d take him behind the gym and beat the hell out of him."

There does at least seem to be at least a tangential reason for this replay of Joe Biden's Metaphorical Hits; the Miami speech was part of a national anti-assault campaign called "It's On Us," which we should note does not actually promote old guys taking to fisticuffs in defense of women. Speaking of Trump's dismissal of the Pussy Tape as mere "locker room talk," Biden said,

I've been in a lot of locker rooms my whole life. I'm a pretty damn good athlete. Any guy who talked that way was usually the fattest, ugliest S.O.B. in the room.

Needless to say, Donald Trump took the taunting with all the grace and cognitive dissonance you'd expect:

For Roll Call, the exchange recalled the 1804 duel between Aaron Burr and Alexander Hamilton, in which the two rapped with the most sublime wordplay before Burr shot Hamilton dead.

For WaPo's Philip Bump, it was an occasion to fact-check the absurd, a prospect we can always get behind:

For ubiquitous Twitter photoshopster Darth™ it was a reason to go old school:

And for former Milwaukee County Sheriff David Clarke, who took a brief break from eating paste and fending off wrongful death suits from the families of people who died in his jail, it was the perfect opportunity to call Joe Biden a fag, you hear that, fag? Stop being such a fairy, you fag, HURR HURR:

Yup, nothing like a man who stands for law 'n' order making hilarious "don't drop the soap" anal rape jokes -- which, as it happens, are also wholly against Yr Wonkette's commenting rules.

Frankly, Yr Wonkette would rather that Old Handsome Joe drop this particular schtick, because it's kind of dopey and doesn't set a good example for the children. We don't really need that kind of toxic masculinity in our politics, thanks.

But if he has to challenge Trump, maybe Biden would settle for a race in his '67 Corvette convertible, which was a wedding gift from his dad.

Yr Wonkette is supported by reader donations. Go ahead, click here to toss us some money. We bet we can take it.

[The Hill / USA Today / WaPo]

Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

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The Church of Scientology had some thoughts about Our Robyn's piece, Who Wants To Watch A Creepy White Guy Rap About Scientology? We had some thoughts about their thoughts.

Thanks for writing in, Scientology! As you doubtless realized when you didn't demand we take down our story, but requested it instead, our opinions of your weird cult and that poor young man's rap skills are protected by the First Amendment. (I learned about libel law in college and grad school but also on the job: I was in newspapers so long that I was actually colleagues with Tony Ortega -- about whom you sound quite "venomous" and "biased" -- at the very same newspaper chain you can't believe he defended! Next up, please show your due diligence by talking trash about a woman you didn't know was my mom.)

Also, a lot of your former members say on the record that you kidnap people, and stalk them, and harass them, and sometimes beat them up good, and I request that if so, fucking stop it.

The rest of you click the headline, if you want your OPEN THREAD.

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Monday's Trump-Putin press conference landed on the entire free world like a hot treason-shaped turd, didn't it? Congressional Republicans have been saying mean things about it on Twitter, and even Fox News has been less than 100% supportive! The White House communications department obviously knew it had a crisis on its hands, what with how it's generally considered inappropriate for the leader of the free world to get on all fours in front of the Russian president and wag his tail and slobber with anticipation while he awaits his next marching orders. WOMP WOMP, etc.

So the comms department typed up a thing for the president to read aloud today at the beginning of his meeting with members of Congress, about how he was VERY SORRY he said one word incorrectly during the Putin presser. That's right, only one word of that whole fucking shitshow was wrong. All the rest of his traitor words were exactly what he meant to say.

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