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Exclusive NYT Interview Indicates That Undecided Voters May Despise Politics Entirely

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TheNew York Times ventured out of the Big City to conduct one of its most ambitious anthropological studies of the election, deep into the virgin forests of Ohio. Veteran Timesman John Harwood was tasked with a mission that no cub reporter would ever have returned from alive: Talking to some lady in Ohio about the election, in a parking lot. What motivates this creature, the "Regular Ohioan"? How does she respond to political stimuli? Does she see the teevee ads in her flyover hinterland, and how does her genetic wiring influence the words that come out of her mouth? The preliminary results -- and lord knows there's still test after test needing to be run back at the lab -- indicate that she "hates everything about politics," as they term it in Science.


The woman, research unit #OH1432McLady or "Rosemary Pallen," offers many variations of "I really just hate all of this" that could represent key breakthroughs for psychologists and sociologists alike:

Q.

How much attention are you paying to the presidential race right now?

A.

If it’s on, I listen. Mostly I turn it off.

Q.

You don’t seek out information, or try to watch the TV ads?

A.

Oh no. They absolutely get muted.

Q.

Are you starting to get bombarded, in addition to the ads, with mail and phone calls from the campaigns?

A.

Phone calls — totally hanging up on those people, too. Annoying. Very annoying.

Q.

Have you followed the back-and-forth between the two campaigns over Romney’s statements on his foreign trip, or Obama’s statements like “the private sector’s doing fine?”

A.

I heard some of it but I don’t even recall what it was about. Kids in a playground having a little fight and a little tiff. Just throwing out names saying ‘You did this.’ ‘You did that.’ You don’t know what the truth is. [...]

Q.

You’ve got a House race in this district between two incumbents thrown together in redistricting — the Republican Jim Renacci, and the Democrat, Betty Sutton. How does that feel to you?

A.

I don’t know anything about either one of them. I have no opinion. [...]

Q.

Will you watch both parties’ conventions?

A.

Absolutely not.

Could there be others like her?

[NYT]

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Lace up your sneakers, Wonkers! Time to hit the streets. MoveOn, the ACLU, MomsRising and all your favorite dirty leftists are getting together for a yuuuuuuuuge march to show that WE ARE A NATION OF DECENT FUCKING HUMAN BEINGS WHO DON'T KIDNAP BABIES. And your Wonkette will be there!

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Rudy Giuliani, flapping his loose yap to Politico on Monday:

President Donald Trump's attorney Rudy Giuliani said on Monday that he was actually just bluffing last week when he called for Justice Department leaders to suspend special counsel Robert Mueller's investigation within 24 hours.

"I didn't think it would," Giuliani told POLITICO with a laugh when asked about the Mueller inquiry's still being very much an active investigation. "But I still think it should be." [...]

That's what I'm supposed to do," Giuliani explained on Monday. "What am I supposed to say? That they should investigate him forever? Sorry, I'm not a sucker."

Cool, that is just Rudy Giuliani admitting he's full of shit and words and more shit and more words (and also a noun, a verb and 9/11). We are guessing therefore that Giuliani, who is a lawyer, would legally advise us to continue assuming we should take his every oral ejaculation with a gi-normous grain of FULL OF SHIT.

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