Alexandra Ocasio-Cortez officially becomes a congressperson today, so we can expect the deranged obsession the right has with her to only intensify. Over the weekend, there was some controversy when Ocasio-Cortez proposed some radical position on policy that ... no, I'm just kidding. She just alluded to a Jennifer Lopez song. That's what had the Gateway Pundit flipping out.

This past weekend Ocasio-Cortez tweeted out a photo of her congressional office on Capitol Hill. She made the mistake of adding that she's just your average girl from the Bronx.

But Gateway Pundit had incontrovertible proof: Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, in high school, went by the name Sandy.

While they're at it, maybe they'll reveal she's not that young either. She turns 30 this year and that's the average age of the hot mother of teenagers on a CW drama.

The Gateway Pundit boasted an "exclusive" from a high school classmate of Ocasio-Cortez's. The anonymous source shared photos of the future congressperson during her time at Yorktown High School in Westchester County. "Deep Throat" also described the glamorous life of the residents.

The education we received at Yorktown was excellent, we had many well funded after school programs, very good cafeteria food, access to Putnam northern Westcheser BOCES for trade school. Lacrosse was our biggest sport. We were terrible at football, decent at soccer.

The average home in Yorktown goes for $477,000 — it's a very nice area.

There was very large theater, dance and band department. You were considered poor if your parents made $50,000 a year each.


WHO THE HELL IS "SANDY"? (Sorry, my caps lock key got stuck.)

Apparently, "Sandy" was the name Ocasio-Cortez went by at her "affluent" high school. It's fitting that while attempting to "birther" Ocasio-Cortez, they'd also pull the old "Barry Obama" trick. I don't know what to tell these people. Nicknames are a thing. (On Twitter last night, there were a non-zero number of people aghast that anyone would try to claim "Sandy" is a nickname for "Alexandria." We don't know what to tell them, or you about the fact that they exist.)

Gateway Pundit keeps referring to Yorktown as "affluent," which is interesting because these same people any other day of the week would be considered "average Americans" opposed to Ocasio-Cortez's "cash-and-carry" socialism.

The classmate told The Gateway pundit he/she does not like "Sandy's" politics and DOES NOT WANT TO LIVE UNDER COMMUNIST – SOCIALIST rule.


It's not unusual for people of color to move to predominately white spaces for the perceived better schools or safer neighborhoods. The resident Heathers don't often rush to embrace these new arrivals. It also doesn't erase who we were. Seeing the photos of "Sandy" -- a brown girl amongst a sea of mostly white faces -- brings back familiar memories for a lot of us.

There's nothing mysterious about Ocasio-Cortez's background. She's been quite frank about her upbringing. She was born in the Bronx. She moved to Yorktown when she was 5, but she regularly visited her family in the boogie-down. Anyone capable of empathy might understand why she felt more at home in the Bronx and still identifies with the area, the culture, the people. For God's sake, it's not a scam. Being born somewhere really does make you from there! Just ask our Kenyan forever president!

It's also telling that so far no one Ocasio-Cortez knew from the Bronx is reaching out to right-wing hack blogs to express their fear that she's going to turn America into a communist superstate. As Holly Golightly said, "home is where you feel at home." It's more than an "affluent" zip code.

Conservatives talk a lot about "bootstraps" and how "anyone" can pursue the American dream. Yet, they insist that Ocasio-Cortez is a fraud, a cosplay working girl. They attack her "expensive" clothing. They mock her struggles to pay DC rent. It's like she's socialist Goldilocks. I get their political motivation for wanting to downplay her compelling story. But deep down, I wonder if they simply can't accept that a true "Alex from the Bronx" could achieve what she has -- not in their America.

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Stephen Robinson

Stephen Robinson is a writer and social kibbitzer based in Seattle. However, he's more reliable for food and drink recommendations in Portland, where he spends a lot of time for theatre work. His co-adaptation of "Jitterbug Perfume" by Tom Robbins runs from March through May at Pioneer Square's Cafe Nordo.

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CLEAR YOUR CALENDARS FOR FEBRUARY 7! And then fill them back up with whatever the fuck you want, because Michael Cohen has announced through his lawyers that he is too scared to testify before an open session of Congress that day, citing threats to his family from Donald Trump and Rudy Giuliani.

Wonkette has no reason to believe Cohen isn't being serious here, and NBC News reports Cohen's wife and father-in-law are particularly concerned about their safety if the man who used to call his boss MIS-TURRRR TWUMP goes to Congress and tells the truth this time. Still, we must pause to note that this is the same guy who said this to NPR reporter Tim Mak, back when Mak was at The Daily Beast:

"I will make sure that you and I meet one day while we're in the courthouse. And I will take you for every penny you still don't have," Cohen told Mak [...] "And I will come after your Daily Beast and everybody else that you possibly know."

"So I'm warning you, tread very fucking lightly, because what I'm going to do to you is going to be fucking disgusting. You understand me?"

It's not so fun when the shoe is on the other foot, IS IT, MICHAEL?

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Did Nancy Pelosi do something to give Donald Trump the mistaken impression he has leverage here? We don't remember her doing anything like that!

Trump sent Pelosi a letter this morning to say that, despite how she told him to stay the fuck out of her House because of his government shutdown, he would still be coming to the House on January 29 to deliver his State of the Union address. And for some weird-ass reason, Trump and his advisers in the White House actually thought she would back down. It's both hilarious and alarming that Trump and his people are that stupid, isn't it?

Anyway, Pelosi took the dare. She took the dare. Was there anybody besides those dumb fucking idiots in the White House who thought she wouldn't take the dare?

Pelosi sent a letter right back to Trump to kindly explain to him that no means "go fuck yourself," and that if he'd like her to stick her foot further up his ass and kick it around a bunch, he's welcome to test her some more:

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