Excuse Me, But Some Tennessee Republican Regularly Chugs Straight Chocolate Syrup And I Have Questions
You know, you spend as much time on the internet and watching trashy TLC shows as I do, and you think you've seen everyone eat everything possible. I've seen rats eating pizza, high schoolers eating spoonfuls of cinnamon, a woman who was addicted to eating couch cushions and another woman who ate the ashes of her dead husband. Also I dated a pretentious film guy in college who made me watch Salo. I am not new! And generally, I don't judge people for what they eat (unless they try to serve me a Caprese sandwich with a giant pile of freaking arugula on it, in which case I will be mad for weeks). Never yuck someone else's yum, I say!
I came across a tweet featuring Tennessee state Rep. Kent Calfee listening to the State of the State address, while casually sipping on a bottle of Hershey's chocolate syrup — as he, reportedly, "often does" during legislative sessions.
Several people have suggested that the bottle is perhaps filled with booze, which would be significantly less unsettling than straight chocolate syrup. Drunks I get! But chocolate syrup? Straight chocolate syrup from the bottle? So casually? Where does one pick up such a habit, and how is he not embarrassed?
And not only is this guy chugging straight chocolate syrup, he is — as you can see if you click on the picture in the tweet — also eating cheese crackers. Chocolate syrup and cheese crackers. What a combination! What that would do to one's mouth, I could not even begin to imagine.
But not for long!
You see, I am writing this Monday night while watching the Iowa caucuses, which means I am about two glasses into bottle of cat wine myself. Not wine made from cats, mind you, which is not a thing — and not wine for cats, which is — but wine in a cat shaped bottle. Everything is delayed and no one knows what is happening! It's actually pretty boring right now and honestly I need a distraction.
I'm just going to assume that Rep. Calfee's system is to eat a cracker and then take a big swig of the chocolate syrup to wash it down. So that's what I'm going to do. Right now.
YEP. That is absolutely disgusting.
In fact, I think drinking the chocolate syrup after eating cheese crackers is probably more gross than drinking straight chocolate syrup by itself. Though I don't think that would be very good either. And I like chocolate! But I assure you, this is not good and you should not try it at home.
UNTIL REBECCA PUTS UP A NON-SOTU LIVESTREAM LATER, THIS IS NOW YOUR OPEN THREAD.
Wonkette is independent and fully funded by readers like you. Click below to tip us!
Robyn Pennacchia is a brilliant, fabulously talented and visually stunning angel of a human being, who shrugged off what she is pretty sure would have been a Tony Award-winning career in musical theater in order to write about stuff on the internet. In addition to her work at Wonkette, she also has a biweekly column at Dame. Follow her on Twitter at @RobynElyse