F*ck Around And You Gonna Find Out, Fa-La-La-La-La, La-LOCK HIM UP

January 6

As Wonkette said in a recent post explaining the ins and outs of the Steve Bannon contempt subpoena, Bannon was about to go through some things. And that starts now, as long as the Biden Department of Justice and the US Attorney's office in DC aren't total chickenshits.

The full House voted yesterday to hold Bannon in contempt for failing to cooperate with subpoenas from the January 6 Committee. The vote was All Democrats Plus Nine Republicans vs. a bunch of rotting garbage that thinks white Republicans shouldn't have to follow laws. (The vote was 229 to 202.) There is absolutely no argument that says Bannon had any legal justification for blowing Congress off. None. And Congress made this vote happen real damn fast.

Now it goes to the DC US Attorney's office, which will have to decide whether Congress is allowed to do its job, or if there are serious separation-of-powers issues to be considered between the House of Representatives and whatever rancid steam smells waft off of Steve Bannon's voluminous grundle mound.


In congressional testimony yesterday, Attorney General Merrick Garland told the House Judiciary Committee regarding the Bannon situation that his DOJ "will apply the facts and the law and make a decision consistent with the principles of prosecution," whatever that means. We hope it's just a really WORD NERD way of saying "LOCK HIM UP." If it somehow ends up not being, oh boy, laws mean nothing anymore.

These are the nine Republicans who voted with the Democrats:

Liz Cheney and Adam Kinzinger, of course, are on the committee. The others are familiar names when it comes to acknowledging that January 6 happened.

Of course, don't call any of them up and invite them to your slumber party, because literally all of them voted against voting rights.

Anyway, the point is lock him up. But if possible, try not to put him in the same jail with the charged Capitol terrorists, as we hear they've started a new white prison gang, we guess because the skinheads weren't good enough. Anyway, they're liable to interpret Bannon as the new messiah and Jesus, we bet that would just be the stinkiest religion in the entire history of mankind.

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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