If you have forgotten, Jenna Ellis was the idiot-ass young evangelical member of Donald Trump's Elite Strike Force of election-overturning superlawyers. You probably thought of her as the dumbest one, differentiating her from Rudy Giuliani (most senile); Sidney Powell (most Kraken); and Joe diGenova and Victoria Toensing (most "hairball").

She's so, so stupid. During the campaign, she wanted to sue CNN for releasing polls the Trump campaign didn't like. She was the one who called Trump's team of lawyers an "Elite Strike Force."

And of course, she's a white super-bigot, which usually goes hand-in-hand with being dumb. One time she called Senator Reverend Raphael Warnock a "false teacher," and accused him of spreading "heresy," as if any God gave her that right, and as if Matthew 7:22-23 wasn't literally about her. She intentionally misgenders Dr. Rachel Levine, President Joe Biden's assistant secretary for Health. She's just garbage.

So don't you want to hear her thoughts on ... trans-mammal sports teams?

Oh hell yeah you do, don't lie.



The host in this Newsmax clip is Betsy McCaughey, who is mostly known for inventing the lie about death panels in Obamacare, which is really curious now that white conservatives are death-paneling themselves during a pandemic because they're all too brainwashed to get their fucking shots.

The esteemed panel is discussing Lia Thomas, a trans woman who's a college swimmer at the University of Pennsylvania. Thomas reportedly wins a whole lot, but was recently beaten, apparently, by a college swimmer from Yale who is a trans man who competes with women. There are complex and interesting conversations to be had about issues like these, conversations where non-hateful people can come together to hash out nuanced questions. Those conversations will not be happening on Newsmax.

McCaughey asks out loud if there should be a third sports league just for trans people, and that's when Jenna Ellis, a Newsmax contributor, got to talk for a whole minute of her life. Just got to really show off that brain!

ELLIS: As far as making a third category, I think that that's absolutely ridiculous, and the sports world shouldn't give in to these transgender narcissists who simply can't compete at elite levels in their own biological categories.

Wait. We thought the bigot argument was that trans athletes would always have an unfair advantage, not that people were going to fake being trans because they couldn't compete with the gender they were assigned at birth. [It's always been both! — Ed] Of course, we shouldn't be surprised, because these dipshit conservative evangelicals literally think burly cisgender men are going to fake trans so they can see boobies in girls' locker rooms.

And is it "transgender narcissists" asking for a third category, or was that something Betsy McCaughey just pulled out of her ass?

Ellis's next question:

ELLIS: So what happens when an elite sports player and college student says "well, I'm a bear!"

Indeed, what DOES happen when a college student athlete says "well, I'm a bear"? Do they insist on doing competitive figure skating with the troupe of competitive figure skating bears that exists at every university? And do the other figure-skating bears at that college have a say in this? Is there an audition process?

And does Jenna Ellis mean ANIMAL bears?


Giphy


or GAY bears?


Giphy


Because gay bears are really accepting and if an elite college athlete says they're a bear, gay bears gonna be like, "YOU SURE ARE, GURL. Now stop shaving your chest hair."

ELLIS: Do we now have TRANS-MAMMAL SPORTS TEAMS?

Oh, she means animal bears. George W. Bush warned us about this.

ELLIS: This is utterly ridiculous that we're having to cave to these types of categories rather than say you compete in the gender that is your biology.

Hahahahaha she said "cave." Know where bears live? (Animal bears not gay bears.)

In summary and in conclusion, Jenna Ellis calls herself "America's lawyer" in her Twitter bio. That's it, that's the final joke in this post.


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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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