Farewell Comedy Gold: Our Last CPAC Dispatch

Farewell Comedy Gold: Our Last CPAC Dispatch

Oh, CPAC, why have you left us all alone? Where will we get all of our super easy comedy posts? Will we be forced towork again? Oh well. Let's say good-bye to the good times with this final CPAC dispatch from our pal Garrett Quinn, who also took this tragic photo of Joe the Plunger's lame book-signing poster, with a piece of tape on his nose.

Garrett is that rarest of creatures: A libertarian paultard who is also a friend of your Wonkette! He filed some other email dispatches for us, too. Read them, and then read this:

I will never forget my time in DC because I could smell Harry Reid everywhere.

The "It's OK to be ex-gay" booth was more impressive than any jackass intern dressed as a gay UN sex slave. I really want to riff on them but after interviewing them I actually felt bad for them. Best moment was his response to my question about political involvement.

"Ex-gay" dude: "I don't participate in political activity. This isn't a political issue...it's about love and realizing who you are."

Ummmm...what? Did you not look around at the booths here? There is a cardboard stand-up of sexy librarian/Alaska Governor Sarah Palin right across from you. I hear she loves "the ex-gheys"

Ann Coulter has a big rack and her neck is even more creepy in person.

I think the pubs of DC conspired against us as everywhere we went, pints suddenly cost $7.50. A fellow Paultard told me that if we had the gold standard the pints would cost less. Potential fundraiser name: Pints for Paul.

The Youth for Western Civilization is an awesomely racist Facebook group. (They're so racist they wouldn't pay cheap day-laborin' Mexicans to build them a website.) They should just change their name to "We hate them wetbacks and beaners U-S-A."

Mitt Romney's hair looked great from my perch way in the back of the Regency Ballroom.

Grandpa Paul got up and told us how the Federal Reserve has a giant CFR controlled fire-breathing lizard that will destroy us all. The only way to stop this by pre-ordering his new book: End The Fed. Wicked creative title RP.

There were excess copies of Chuck Norris' book everywhere. I guess conservatives hate karate masters AND plumbers.

Sadly, I did not find any furries after Day 1.

Any gathering of young political activists (of any stripe) ultimately turns into a booze-fueled shit show orgy. I saw at least three kids puking outside the Omni at 4AM.

www.cpacgirlsgonewild.com is still available.

Rush Limbaugh was clearly going for the Johnny Cash look dressing in all black. I wonder if he'll try to pull a Joaquin Phoenix.

Andrew Breitbart moderated the best forums at CPAC.

I did not find a vibrating back massage thingy with the Family Research Council logo on it. Please forgive me. I hope I didn't fail you, Wonkette.


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