What Not To Wear


Have you heard about the new hottest line of ugly clothing you can buy on clearance anywhere because it's total shit, but is being unfairly discontinued by Nordstrom, because it's ugly shit? It is Ivanka Trump's ugly shit clothing, and it is the new hottest thing!

Donald Trump's obnoxious counselor Kellyanne Conway, who is very good at fashion, has heard of it, she owns some of it, and she would like to violate federal law by encouraging YOU to Make America Great Again, by buying Ivanka's shitty Chinese-made products.

Let's turn on our fucking "Fox & Friends," so we can watch Conway's infomercial:

Go buy Ivanka’s stuff, is what I would tell you. I hate shopping, but I am going to go get some myself today. [...] This is just — it’s a wonderful line, I own some of it, I’m just gonna give a free commercial here, go buy it today, everybody, you can find it online.

Kellyanne Conway is going to make a special trip to TJ Maxx and maybe also Marshall's to see if she can find an ugly blouse that was originally $120 but the special clearance price is $30, and they will take an additional 90% off at the register if you will PLEASE TAKE THIS UGLY SHIT OUT OF OUR STORE.

As Think Progress notes, this is totally against the law, and they share these helpful screenshots, so we can see how fashion icon Kellyanne Conway is violating it:

Huh, that seems pretty clear cut to us, especially when you're pimping out the president's daughter's shitty clothing line. Did we mention how it's shitty?

Nordstrom, of course, told Ivanka LAST MONTH it was cutting her line, because it wasn't selling.

Is Kellyanne Conway trying to get fired from her job? We would understand if she was, espcially after her bad interview with Jake Tapper, and now that she is a national laughingstock for dying in the Bowling Green Massacre and making up #AlternativeFacts. Maybe she just wants to go back to New Jersey and eat blueberries, because she is a blueberry princess, and also eat her fingernails, because they are delicious.

This, of course, comes a day after Donald Trump tweeted a little tantrum at Nordstrom because it's being mean to his daughter, whom he finds very sexy.

But it's not just Kellyanne Conway and Donald Trump! Everybody in the White House, and also in the president's family, can't stop flapping their ugly yaps about the ugly clothing they love so much.

Press Secretary Sean Spicer can't stop wearing Ivanka's dresses all the time, on his tits:

"I think this is less about his family's business and an attack on his daughter," Spicer said. "He ran for president. He won. He's leading this country. I think for people to take out their concern about his actions or his executive orders on members of his family, he has every right to stand up for his family and applaud their business activities, their success." [...]

"There's a targeting of her brand and it's her name," Spicer said. "She's not directly running the company. It's still her name on it. There are clearly efforts to undermine that name based on her father's positions on particular policies that he's taken. This is a direct attack on his policies and her name. Her because she is being maligned because they have a problem with his policies."

Last time Sean Spicer wore one of Ivanka's dresses, he got SO laid, and then he had a Trump Steak at the Trump Hotel, and sweet Jesus, there is nothing about Donald Trump's "presidency" that doesn't involve product placement and funneling money into Trump's tiny hands.

Speaking of Donald Trump's brands, his son Donald Trump Jr., the Twilight extra formed by one of Ivana Trump's eggs and one of the president's misshapen sperms, and who is running the Trump Organization with his brother Eric in a "blind trust" (LOLOL), would also like to pimp out his sister:

Right. Like the Hoveround riders who voted for Donald Trump even have Nordstrom cards. Can you even use those at Big Lots?

Anyway, Wonkette doesn't get any emoluments for shilling for Ivanka's clothing line, so we'd encourage everyone to boycott all the Trump family's products, as they are made in China and probably financed by Russia, and instead BUY AMERICAN.

[Think Progress / Talking Points Memo]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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