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Fate's Fickle Finger Spares Vince Shlomi

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  • In response to American calls for a halt to settlement-building on the West Bank, Israel generously offers to halt construction for three to six months, except for those structures already in progress. And if they don't get a peace settlement in that period of time then the whole thing's off. Compromise! [New York Times]
  • Bernard Madoff faces sentencing this morning in New York. How many thousands of years will he serve in the digestive organs of a sand-beast, as preordained in the opening minutes of Return of the Jedi? [Guardian]
  • British embassy employees arrested in Iran on Wednesday have been released. [CNN]
  • The president of Honduras was escorted out of the country by military troops and nobody really knows what's going on. A Google ad at the bottom of this report asks the vital question, "Want to Live in Honduras?" [BBC News]
  • Everybody you ever liked on television died this weekend: beloved OxiClean pitchman Billy Mays, 50s sitcom star Gale Storm, and impersonator Fred Travalena, "the man of a thousand faces voices." [And Now a Break from Your Regularly Scheduled Blanket Coverage of Michael Jackson]
  • Also in celebrity news: Apple CEO Steve Jobs may have had an easier time securing a new liver due to his bottomless wealth. [Bloomberg]
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Since he's such a public-spirited guy, Secretary of the Interior Ryan Zinke generously offered to develop some land owned by his foundation in his home town of Whitefish, Montana, as a "Veterans Peace Park" where kids could go sledding in the winter and the goodly Volk could go to appreciate both veterans and, naturally enough, the BNSF railroad, which used to use the land as a gravel pit and which donated it to Zinke's "charitable" "foundation." (Zinke's foundation, it turns out, is like Trump's, if Donald Trump were just a bit more shameless.) So naturally, here comes Halliburton!

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Is there really a Blue Wave coming? Dunno! But hey, check out these polls!

(Yes, we know we got burned in 2016. And yes, we know polls this far out are no guarantee. What, you want another depressing story about baby jails? DIDN'T THINK SO. So come read these nice polls right now!)

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