BREAKING FRIDAY NIGHT NEWS DUMP FROM THE NEW YORK TIMES, and you know why? Because the Times has no goddamn respect for weekends, just kidding #DemocracyDiesInDarkness, just kidding that's not the Times's motto.

The scoop is a big shock (nope), and it is that the FBI started investigating whether Donald Trump is a literal actual Russian intelligence asset way back in 2017, just after Trump fired former FBI director James Comey, which is approximately MANY MONTHS after Wonkette started its own investigation into the same subject:

In the days after President Trump fired James B. Comey as F.B.I. director, law enforcement officials became so concerned by the president's behavior that they began investigating whether he had been working on behalf of Russia against American interests, according to former law enforcement officials and others familiar with the investigation.

Yeah, we wonder.

The Times reports that the FBI was so freaked out by pretty much everything Trump was doing that it opened the inquiry, but that agents weren't sure how to get going on such a thing, because HOLY SHIT:

Counterintelligence investigators had to consider whether the president's own actions constituted a possible threat to national security. Agents also sought to determine whether Mr. Trump was knowingly working for Russia or had unwittingly fallen under Moscow's influence.


OK fine, the Times doesn't say that.

Of course, there had been a counterintelligence investigation open into Russia's influence on the 2016 election for quite a while at that point, and there had also been an investigation into whether or not Trump people had actively worked with Russia to do the ratfucking. We also know Trump has been under investigation for obstructing the various Russia inquiries for a very long time. It seems that, in opening this inquiry, the FBI was sort of wrapping its head around the fact that the obstruction investigation and the NO COLLUSION investigation and all the other Russia investigations are the same investigation.

If you remember, Trump fired Comey after spending a weekend at his Bedminster resort with Stephen Miller, and they rustled up a letter about how Trump was firing Comey over his handling of the Russia investigation. After then-White House counsel Don McGahn saw that letter, he LOLOLOLed for a thousand minutes, then said try again. After that, Deputy Attorney General Rod Rosenstein wrote a bullshit excuse letter for Trump, saying he was firing Comey for treating Hillary Clinton so poorly in the But Her Emails investigation. You betcha!

Immediately after that, Trump went on TV and went ahead and vomited out to NBC's Lester Holt that he had fired Comey over Russia.

All these things kinda bothered the FBI!

Of course, at that point it had been pretty clear for quite a while that Trump was working for Russia's interests in some way or another, whether he knew it and was doing it because he hates America, or because he's a fucking idiot and he's been an unwitting Russian asset for a long time. The only person he was never willing to criticize on the campaign trail was Vladimir Putin; he signaled a willingness to get rid of Russian sanctions early and often; he changed the Republican platform to make it give Russia more handjobs and forgive it for its illegal invasion of Ukraine; he literally asked Russia to try to hack into Hillary Clinton's emails IN PUBLIC WHERE EVERYBODY COULD SEE HIM.

(And they started trying! That night!)

Oh yeah, and then there is the matter of the dossier of raw intelligence compiled by veteran British spy and Russia expert Christopher Steele, that suggested Russia had been cultivating Trump FORFUCKINGEVER, and that there was an ongoing operation between Trump people and Russia to steal the election. News of the dossier's existence came out just before the election, but the FBI had it before America knew about it. Fast forward to today, and the information in those documents has held up pretty fucking well.

Once Trump was president, he begged for a loyalty oath from Comey, and asked Comey to stop investigating Michael Flynn, who's at the center of the conspiracy aspect of the investigation, particularly the part about whether there was a quid pro quo where if Russia shoved Trump into office, he would in return lift the sanctions on Russia. Of course, Flynn had flat-out lied to the FBI about his conversations with Russians -- about those very sanctions -- just like everybody in Trump's orbit has lied about their connections with Russia, particularly when it comes to those very sanctions. Wonder why!

Once Comey had been fired, Trump yukked it up with the Russian ambassador in the Oval Office about how THANK GOD THAT CRAZY BITCH IS GONE, so Trump and Russia could cuddle together without being shamed for it. The quote, if you will remember, was that he had "faced great pressure because of Russia" and that now "that's taken off." Then Trump gave the Russian ambassador some code-word level classified intelligence obtained by our allies the Israelis.

Totally normal!

The Times quotes congressional testimony from former FBI general counsel James Baker, previously not available to the public, in which Baker explained why the FBI looked at Trump's obstruction as a national security issue:

"Not only would it be an issue of obstructing an investigation, but the obstruction itself would hurt our ability to figure out what the Russians had done, and that is what would be the threat to national security," Mr. Baker said in his testimony, portions of which were read to The New York Times.


Want more all caps and underlining?


As the Times notes, special counsel Robert Mueller was appointed about eight seconds after James Comey was fired, and this inquiry moved into Mueller's office immediately. The Times further reports, as if this is the Times's very first rodeo, that it's "unclear" if Mueller is still investigating this:

It is unclear whether Mr. Mueller is still pursuing the counterintelligence matter, and some former law enforcement officials outside the investigation have questioned whether agents overstepped in opening it.

Yeah OK, we have no idea whether Mueller might have continued investigating this, especially since the Times has reported one million times since then about how the Mueller investigation has expanded all over the place to encompass all the different hostile foreign powers influencing Trump, and considering Trump's CONSTANT bending over backward for Russian interests.

But we feel like we can guess, based on the president's behavior!

The way he stomps his feet and claps his hands in anger every time he's forced to sanction Russians.

The way his Treasury Department, led by Steven Mnuchin, goes ahead and tries to un-sanction Russians while nobody's looking.

The way he thinks the Russians probably should get to have Crimea anyway, because they speak Russian, DON'T THEY?

The way he literally sits in the White House and spouts Kremlin propaganda about the Soviet invasion of Afghanistan.

The way he curiously ends up spouting Kremlin propaganda on things most Americans aren't even paying attention to, like how if we let the minuscule nation of Montenegro join NATO, they might start World War III, because they're so aggressive.

The way he rolled over like a Pomeranian and showed his puppy lipstick to Putin in Helsinki, practically begging the Russian president for approving belly scratches. And that was the part the public was allowed to see! His private meeting with Putin was, of course, just the two of them, like no American president in history would ever do.

The way he's undermined NATO every chance he gets, much to Putin's delight, and how he's said it would be super cool if the G-7 was the G-8 again, so Putin could be in it.

The way he reportedly wants to pull the US and A out of the World Trade Organization, which would make Putin go SQUEEEEEE!

The way he's supposedly pulling all our troops out of Syria, like Putin wants, if John Bolton will let him.

Oh yeah, and he's been obstructing Mueller's investigation since the second it started!


In summary and in conclusion, Wonkette doesn't trust Donald Trump with our national security, the FBI has been freaked out about it for a long time, and Robert Mueller almost certainly will horrify the world when he tells us the true extent of what's been going on with Trump and Russia.

And on that note, we will go drink, because of this article, and also because that's what we were planning to do anyway.

[New York Times]

Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT HERE, DO IT RIGHT HERE!

Wonkette is ad-free and funded ONLY by YOU, our dear readers. Click below to donate so Wonkette can live forever!

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

Donate with CC

CLEAR YOUR CALENDARS FOR FEBRUARY 7! And then fill them back up with whatever the fuck you want, because Michael Cohen has announced through his lawyers that he is too scared to testify before an open session of Congress that day, citing threats to his family from Donald Trump and Rudy Giuliani.

Wonkette has no reason to believe Cohen isn't being serious here, and NBC News reports Cohen's wife and father-in-law are particularly concerned about their safety if the man who used to call his boss MIS-TURRRR TWUMP goes to Congress and tells the truth this time. Still, we must pause to note that this is the same guy who said this to NPR reporter Tim Mak, back when Mak was at The Daily Beast:

"I will make sure that you and I meet one day while we're in the courthouse. And I will take you for every penny you still don't have," Cohen told Mak [...] "And I will come after your Daily Beast and everybody else that you possibly know."

"So I'm warning you, tread very fucking lightly, because what I'm going to do to you is going to be fucking disgusting. You understand me?"

It's not so fun when the shoe is on the other foot, IS IT, MICHAEL?

Keep reading... Show less
Donate with CC

Did Nancy Pelosi do something to give Donald Trump the mistaken impression he has leverage here? We don't remember her doing anything like that!

Trump sent Pelosi a letter this morning to say that, despite how she told him to stay the fuck out of her House because of his government shutdown, he would still be coming to the House on January 29 to deliver his State of the Union address. And for some weird-ass reason, Trump and his advisers in the White House actually thought she would back down. It's both hilarious and alarming that Trump and his people are that stupid, isn't it?

Anyway, Pelosi took the dare. She took the dare. Was there anybody besides those dumb fucking idiots in the White House who thought she wouldn't take the dare?

Pelosi sent a letter right back to Trump to kindly explain to him that no means "go fuck yourself," and that if he'd like her to stick her foot further up his ass and kick it around a bunch, he's welcome to test her some more:

Keep reading... Show less
Donate with CC

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)


©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc