Felon Dinesh D'Souza Has Met African-Americans, And You, Obama, Are No African-American

When pitiful, pouty, put-upon felon Dinesh D'Souza last embarrassed himself (that we know of), it was Monday, and he was delusionally 'splaining that there was AN INTERESTING PARALLEL between his life and that of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. You see, King was the target of J. Edgar Hoover, and in D'Souza's D'Imagination, he is being targeted by Barack Obama, for the crime of making a hilariously dumb movie that nobody paid attention to and that had absolutely no effect on Barack Obama or his presidency. Oh, and also Obama is targeting D'Souza for that other ACTUAL crime he committed, that of funneling illegal campaign contributions to a losing loser candidate. For his funneling, he got himself landed in a really cushy version of the pokey, and the judge did not enhance his sentence for the fact that his crime was also a really dumb losing game to begin with. I'd say Obama's been PRETTY lenient.

Apparently being laughed at by every person on Twitter with an IQ over 70 didn't deter old fish lips, because he decided to follow that up with an appearance on Fox News, whereupon, affecting a really strange accent that sounds like Sam Waterson making fun of what Sam Waterson would sound like if he was British, he told Megyn Kelly that Barack Obama "hasn't actually had the African-American experience" due to the fact he is "not descended from slaves on either side of his family." Translation: None of the grandpappies of any of the men who sign Dinesh's wingnut welfare checks ever owned any part of the Obama family, therefore how dare he call himself "black," QED! Maybe if Obama's family had been slaves, then Barry might be able to appreciate Dinesh's sage wisdom about how blacks should just turn that frown upside down about that whole slavery thing.

We then learn that Barry and Eric Holder don't live up to Dr. King's "colorblind ideal," which actually, funnily enough, only exists in the minds of white conservatives (and their D'Souzas and Jindals) whose only contact with King's legacy consists of proof-texting that one quote about being judged based on the content of a man's character, rather than the color of his skin. It's a very important quote, made more important by the fact that it's pretty much the only one that conservatives like, or that they know.

Kelly, for her part, did that weird thing where she occasionally acts as the voice of reason, incredulously asking D'Souza, "What do you mean? He has black skin and he grew up in America as a black man!" (Kelly, at this point, also affects a hilarious "white lady talkin' street" accent, which does not sound like Sam Waterson doing much of anything.) D'Souza replies, "well, he grew up in Hawai'i," to which Kelly shoutily replies back, "That's America!" Oh, those moments when Fox personalities reveal that they are not as dumb as they are paid to be. If it had been Gretchen Carlson, the moment would've passed without incident.

D'Souza then explains that Obama ALSO traveled to funny foreign places like "Indonesia" and "Kenya," further disqualifying him from the black American experience. "The Megabus doesn't even GO to those places," Dinesh seems to be thinking. D'Souza, of course, was born in India, but that's not the same, because he did the right thing by becoming a REAL American, by which he means "paid wingnut," and never mentioned the scary foreign birthplace again.

At the end of the interview, Megyn finally acknowledges the D'Elephant in the room and asks how the slammer is treating him, and D'Souza's like "'s okay," and then the interview ends because the warden in the luxury wingnut confinement center is in the background saying, "Okay, that's enough Fox News, Fishlips." Dinesh takes off his microphone, goes into the bathroom, looks in the mirror and does his daily affirmations, desperately trying to convince himself that Barack Obama even knows who he is, and moreover that the president is terrified of him. His self-confidence tank refilled, Dinesh goes and offers one of his fellow inmates a nickel for a pocket constitution and a cigret, the end.

[Talking Points Memo]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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