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  • Make some celebratory sounds, ladies, because we did it! We killed the patriarchy! We're getting so good at this, one day we might even have equal representation in government. One day. In a century, maybe. But for now, we get 10 bucks:

    Growing numbers of Americans are going cashless, but demands to finally put a woman on paper currency persist. And now the Treasury has announced that a portrait of a woman, to be determined soon, will grace the $10 bill. [...]

    Treasury Secretary Jacob J. Lew, who by law makes the selection of an honoree, will disclose his choice by the end of the year. The new note will appear in 2020 — the 100th anniversary of the 19th Amendment, which gave women the right to vote.

    The only criterion under law is that the chosen person must be dead, but the Treasury said Mr. Lew was looking for a woman “who was a champion for our inclusive democracy.” That would include the abolitionist Harriet Tubman, who was the top choice on social media of a campaign to put a woman on the $20 bill.

    OK, so activists who wanted to feminize our currency get half of what they wanted, for the ladies. Yeah, that sounds about right. Still, at least it's something -- and women are real good at being grateful for the "at least it's something" crumbs. And we only have to wait another five years, which is nothing compared to how long women had to wait for the right to vote. And the right to have their own bank accounts. And the right to equal pay. Wink wink:

  • The dude who shot at George Zimmerman -- in self-defense, obviously -- is now facing a new charge for attempted murder:

    Matthew Apperson turned himself in to authorities in May and was charged with aggravated assault with a deadly weapon, aggravated battery with a deadly weapon and firing a deadly missile into an occupied conveyance.

    On Thursday, the state attorney's office filed attempted second-degree murder charges. [...]

    Police wrote in an arrest report that Apperson appeared to have a "fixation" with Zimmerman and that Apperson had recently been admitted to a mental institution.

    We are also fixated with Zimmerman, mostly because we cannot fucking that guy isn't rotting in a prison cell, for killing a kid. And also because he can't seem to stop waving his gun around and getting in trouble with The Law. And given that he is, in fact, a killer -- albeit one whose sob story of fearing for his life a sympathetic jury believed -- it's not hard to imagine why anyone would feel kind of unsafe and at risk with the Zim around. Still, best not to try to shoot him, as a general rule.

  • Raise your hand if you're one of all those new millionaires:

    The number of people worth $1 million or more around the world rose by 920,000 to a record 14.6 million last year, according to an annual tally from consultant Capgemini and RBC Wealth Management. It was the sixth straight year-over-year increase as rising stock prices lifted the value of personal wealth in a few key countries.

    More than a third of new millionaires — 345,000 — were in the U.S., where a broad index of stocks, the Standard and Poor's 500, rose 11 percent.

  • In case you were concerned that Brian Williams might never work again, after all that "Oops, I misremembered my harrowing tales" unpleasantness, you can relax now:

    Brian Williams will not return as anchor of the "NBC Nightly News," but will take on a new role at MSNBC as anchor of breaking news and special reports, the network announced Thursday. [...]

    The announcement caps four months of speculation over whether Williams would resume anchor duties after being suspended in February for exaggerating an account of his Iraq war reporting in public appearances. During that time, NBC News' investigative unit has conducted an internal review examining Williams' reporting and commentary over the past decade, both on the network's broadcast and in public settings.

    "The extensive review found that Williams made a number of inaccurate statements about his own role and experiences covering events in the field," the network statement read. "The statements in question did not for the most part occur on NBC News platforms or in the immediate aftermath of the news events, but rather on late-night programs and during public appearances, usually years after the news events in question."

  • Huh:

    The question of whether you are a righty or a lefty no longer applies just to humans and great apes. It turns out that kangaroos prefer one hand over the other as well.

    Most kangaroos prefer to use their left hand to pick up leaves, move food into their mouths, and groom their bodies, according to a study published Thursday in Current Biology.

    The finding suggests that "true handedness" may be more widespread across the animal kingdom than was previously thought.

  • If you haven't decided yet whether to binge-watch the latest season of "Orange Is The New Black," our pals at Happy Nice Time People have reviewed it for you, with (almost) no spoilers, to help you decide whether it's worth your weekend:

    On June 12, our lives became complete with the arrival of season 3 of Orange is the New Black on Netflix. The critically acclaimed series based on Piper Kerman’s memoir of her time in a women’s prison is still as addicting as ever, and I, like other many other people, sacrificed my time and health and firstborn child to binge watch the latest season over the weekend.

    While the series continued to perfectly straddle the line between dark comedy and serious drama, this season was mostly lackluster compared to the previous ones. I’ve outlined my reasons why, with minimal spoilers.

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Fox News has been LI'L BIT CONFUSED about how to cover Donald Trump's treason meeting with Vladimir Putin. There was a lot of tut-tutting from Fox's daytime journalists (the "real" ones) on Monday, but then it was Double Dipshit Time on Monday night as Tucker Carlson and Sean Hannity took over the commentary. Carlson found the real election hackers (brown Mexican people who either move to America and become legal citizens who vote or brown Mexican people who are just born here, as if THAT is allowed!) and declared that Russian meddling is like number 115 on the list of things that threaten America. (The other 114 are the blacks and the Mexicans and the gypsies, because Tucker Carlson is a white supremacist.) Meanwhile, Hannity hosted Donald Trump for some kind of mutual lick-off session where Trump said that Putin had informed him that there was NO COLLUSION. It's good to have a KGB handler who remembers stuff like that!

But even then, there was a hopeful moment! Fox News's Chris Wallace committed an actual act of journalism Monday night when he interviewed Vladimir Putin, going so far as to stick Robert Mueller's indictments in the Russian leader's stupid fucking face and dare him to read them. He even asked Putin why he constantly murders people with poison. GO GET HIM, CHRIS WALLACE!

Usually the next morning's "Fox & Friends" is like Carlson and Hannity's afterbirth, but Tuesday morning was a little bit different! For some reason, Steve Doocy and Brian Kilmeade and Abby Huntsman were not 100% pleased with Dear Leader's behavior in Helsinki! So they put on their Joe Scarborough and Mika Brzezinski masks and did their best impression of a more dumber version of "Morning Joe," and oh my god it was SO WEIRD. Like, they would be outraged for a second, but then they would immediately compliment him and reassure him that he is a Very Good Boy who won that presidential election fair and square.

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Image by Mariordo, Wikimedia Commons

In what seems like a perfectly logical move where corporations are people, MGM International Resorts is suing all the victims of the Las Vegas massacre in federal court. But don't worry -- at least the company isn't seeking damages from them for its own corporate pain and suffering! Instead, the lawsuit is a maneuver to head off liability claims related to the mass shooting last October 1, as is only right and just. All they want is what's coming to them, like immunity from damages and some ill will from consumers, which will no doubt blow over eventually.

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