Fidel Is Immortal
So, Castro. Dead? He's writing columns, apparently, but hey, the Family Circus still runs too. Anyway, no one knows if he's alive or dead or what, though we're leaning towards "alive." Because did you know that Fidel Castro is the Highlander? It's true!
Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez, who is a close ally, on Saturday denied the rumours.
"Those who want Fidel to die are going to be frustrated, because Fidel Castro will never die and will always be alive in the Cuban people, in the Venezuelan people, and the people of America," Mr Chavez said.
Oh shit he'll never die? That Cuban health care system is incredible.