Fine, Loretta Lynch Has Better Things To Do Than Read Hillary's Dumb Emails Anyway
Oh golly, it is time for a #scandal involving a #Clinton, can you #believe it? The wingnut-o-sphere is ablaze, throwing its trademark recriminations and donkey sharts all over Twitter, demanding that evil Attorney General Loretta Lynch resign, for she is obviously #inthetank for #Hillary. And how do we know this? Well, because Lynch ran into Bill Clinton at the airport in Phoenix, that is why!
Here's what happened, according to Rupert Murdoch's Wall Street Journal, that feminist Hillary-fellating rag:
Ms. Lynch said at a press conference that the Clinton meeting was unplanned. Mr. Clinton was apparently waiting to fly out of the Phoenix airport when Ms. Lynch’s plane coincidentally landed there. The former president then walked over to the attorney general’s plane to speak to Ms. Lynch and her husband.
“Our conversation was a great deal about his grandchildren. It was primarily social and about our travels,” Ms. Lynch told reporters in Phoenix on Tuesday.
[wonkbar]<a href="http://wonkette.com/603495/house-republican-benghazi-report-fails-to-convict-hillary-clinton-of-murder-again"></a>[/wonkbar]Lynch says they didn't talk about the piddly-ass email "scandal," and they didn't talk about Benghazi (for which Hillary has been exonerated EIGHT TIMES NOW), but that they talked about Brexit. Lynch probably said, "What the fuck with Brexit?" Bill Clinton probably said, "GURRRRL." The end.
Here is how wingnut weenus-hole Jay Sekulow of the right-wing American Center For Law and Justice (ACLJ) describes it, in his petition for Lynch to resign:
She just had a secret closed-door meeting on a taxpayer-funded jet with former President Bill Clinton – the husband of the target of an ongoing Department of Justice (DOJ) criminal investigation and potential witness.
Attorney General Lynch violated federal regulations. She broke DOJ directives. It’s corruption at the highest level.
Meeting with the husband of former-Secretary of State Clinton while overseeing the investigation of her mishandling of classified emails violates numerous ethics rules.
Oh Christ, take a cold shower, dumbass.
[wonkbar]<a href="http://wonkette.com/601602/attorney-general-loretta-lynch-so-excited-about-kicking-north-carolina-in-the-ass"></a>[/wonkbar]But no worries, as Lynch announced Friday that, because she got caught red-handed saying "What's shakin'" to her friend Bill Clinton at the airport, she will accept whatever the FBI and prosecutors say about whether Hillary should be indicted, crucifed and buried, or whether she should remain a free woman. No harm, no foul, right? Lynch has better damn things to do anyway, like beat North Carolina on its ass over its awful, unconstitutional trans bathroom bill.
She's not recusing herself, though, because STFU is why.
For idiot Republicans and sad wingnuts on the internet, though, Lynch's sexxx meeting with Slick Willy is part of the #CONSPIRACY!!!! They are in each other's tanks, and part of the cover-up!
[wonkbar]<a href="http://wonkette.com/601509/fbi-obviously-in-the-tank-for-dirty-email-criminal-hillary-clinton"></a>[/wonkbar]Part of the trouble wingnuts are having, we understand, is that they are clinging to the unrealistic hope that Hillary is going to be indicted and have to go to jail, because they really think she is a criminal. They are clinging to that hope like it is a gun or a Bible! But alas, that is, um, really not going to happen, and the Clinton camp knows this. And it's not because the entire US American government and Beyoncé are conspiring with the Illuminati to let the Evil Hillary into the Oval Office. It's because there's no goddamn evidence she did anything criminal, even if she did make a few fuck-ups with her emails.
As to the Phoenix meeting, hey, maybe the Clenis should have demanded that his pilot fly directly into the sky, lest he accidentally be seen cavorting with the attorney general. Maybe it also looks a little bit bad because this very same week, the State Department asked for 27 additional months to sift through Snapchats and sexts between Hillary's aides, the Clinton Foundation and others, citing "We R Slow, Need Moar Time" as their reason why. (For the record, Loretta Lynch doesn't work at the State Department, but you can't expect a chairborne wingnut to understand Goverment How Does It Work?)
So fine, maybe the OPTICS are bad.
But scandal? Jesus Christ, get a life, you fucking freaks.
[Maddow Blog / Wall Street Journal / New York Times / ACLJ petition]
Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.
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