'Firefighter Prophet' Sick And Tired Of Satan Drowning Out God With Chemtrails
Back in April of 2011, God decided to beam his voice directly into the brain of a retired firefighter named Mark Taylor in order to tell him that he, God, had personally chosen Donald Trump to be President of America. Then, in 2016, when Donald Trump actually ran for president, he started telling people all about his amazing prophecy, and at least a few of them went along with him. This included some students at Liberty University who made a very serious and extremely hilarious looking movie about his life (which apparently is now streaming for $3.99. Not gonna lie, I am tempted).
Since then, he's been on a whole lot of internet TV shows spreading the word about very normal things like how the lIluminati is putting out a special frequency to mess with everyone's DNA in order to make them hate Donald Trump. Maybe they're doing it through the mainstream media, maybe they're doing it through rock and roll music, he's not sure, but he knows it's happening. For reasons.
Over the weekend, Taylor swung by a YouTube show called "Blessed to Teach" in order to talk about Qanon, and also about how Satan is using chemtrails to keep people from being able to hear God's voice like he did that one time. Otherwise, I guess, God would be in all of our brains all day talking about how much he loves Donald Trump and wants him to grab all of the pussy.
That sounds pretty annoying, so ... thanks, Satan!
Taylor claimed that "everything in life gives off a frequency" and that "all of creation cries out to God in the frequency, they're actually worshiping God," and so Satan is using chemtrails to turn human beings into "giant antennas" through to which he can beam a competing frequency that will "block" humanity from being able to hear God's frequency.
"The chemtrails, all the spraying is to detract us from hearing God's frequency," he said. "They are spraying aluminum and barium in the chemtrails and if you look on the periodic table—barium is BA, aluminum is AL; it spells BAAL."
"That's deep," Taylor said. "That's no coincidence."
"We are literally walking antennas because we've been breathing the aluminum, we've been breathing the barium," he added. "We are literally giant antennas, which was intended. If you want to get really deep on this, these entities that the devil has put down here that these satanist worship or tap into for this knowledge, if you will, they have told them how to do this stuff. They've showed them how to do this stuff for decades, for thousands of years, but they've tapped into this stuff about how to clog up man's ears and eyes to be able to sense and feel God every time you're walking around."
Given that chemtrails are not what one would call "real," we could just as easily say that the chemtrails are actually made up of uranium, nickel, cobalt, radon and sulphur, somehow, spelling out U, Ni,Co,Rn,S. Or even, hear me out here...
Either of these could mean "things." Maybe Satan wants to turn us all into delicious chocolate unicorns with his chemtrails? After all, there are no coincidences when you are just making shit up.
This new theory seems to be a variant of the last one, as he's still on about "frequencies," which I explained last time is actually an obscure conspiracy theory in and of itself:
As it turns out, the 440hz thing is a conspiracy that's been around for a while, and it is genuinely bizarre. First of all, it doesn't actually have anything to do with the "frequency" that news is broadcast in. That is not a thing. It has to do with music and tuning. The standard tuning for most music is A440 -- meaning that the A above C is tuned to 440hz, which is 440 vibrations per second. There are some variations, particularly in orchestral music (435hz was the standard for a long time in France, so sometimes they use that standard for more authenticity), but 440hz been the standard since 1955.
Some people think this frequency was invented by none other than Joseph Goebbels to brainwash people and making them feel anxious. They think 432hz is better for weirdly mystical reasons I can barely understand, including chakras and the number of Buddha statues on Mount Meru. Also C528 for other reasons. You can even go and buy music that has been converted to C528 for your listening pleasure.
Is that the answer to the question "What's The Frequency, Kenneth?" Could be! Again, no coincidences.
Now that he's managed to combine this particular conspiracy theory with both the Illuminati and chemtrails, I've got my hopes up for some more creative stuff. I'd like to see what he can do with my personal favorite conspiracy theory of all time, the Phantom time hypothesis, which holds that the years 614–911 C.E. never even happened and Charlemagne never existed, but were magically inserted into history somehow by the Holy Roman Emperor Otto III, Pope Sylvester II and Byzantine Emperor VII, for reasons. Or at least work the flat earth stuff or the reptilians in there somehow.
Of course, in the event that Mark Taylor is right and Satan is doing chemtrails all over the place in order to keep God from talking to us, there are ways to protect oneself from chemtrails. Option number one, ORGONITE.
Can Orgonite Clear the Sky of Chemtrails? | Mango & Space Panther | Episode 77 youtu.be
Hey, if you can't trust some dudes called Mango and Space Panther when it comes to science, who can you trust?
Option number two? Spray some household vinegar at them, like my favorite people on the whole entire internet do.
Kill ChemTrails With Vinegar!!!!! youtu.be
Or, if you wanna cover all of your bases, you could do both at once!
Vinegar and Orgonite destroys Chemtrails ! www.youtube.com
So many options. Alternatively, you could do nothing and never experience the joy of God whispering sweet nothings in your ear about how great Donald Trump is. The choice is up to you.
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Robyn Pennacchia is a brilliant, fabulously talented and visually stunning angel of a human being, who shrugged off what she is pretty sure would have been a Tony Award-winning career in musical theater in order to write about stuff on the internet. Previously, she was a Senior Staff Writer at Death & Taxes, and Assistant Editor at The Frisky (RIP). Currently, she writes for Wonkette, Friendly Atheist, Quartz and other sites. Follow her on Twitter at @RobynElyse