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Florida Congressman Allen West Pens Platonic Ideal Of Newspaper Letter-To-Editor

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Florida Congressman, professional Commie-spotter, and dude who tortured a dude and is-not-sorry-about-it-no-sir Allen West will be the first to tell you (and tell you, and tell you again) that he does not do NUANCE, on a battlefield NUANCE will get an IED up your ASS. So what is the best venue for expression for a man who cannot speak or think in any way that is not rigid, ideological, robotic, and totally blasting past any inconvenient truths?


A newspaper letter to the editor, of course! The time-honored route for all old cranks to marshal their thoughts into a streamlined 4,000 words written in their crabbed handwriting on both sides of the page in a six-point font. The favored medium of paranoid schizophrenics, bald racists, and people mewling on about kids these days. The perfect home for the threats and confessions of the Unabomer, the Zodiac Killer, Jack the Ripper, and Florida Rep. Allen West.

First Mssr West insults his hosts.

Given that the Palm Beach Post has refused to publish several of my recent opeds, I was somewhat surprised to be offered a chance to respond to their recent editorial echoing my primary opponent’s calls for a debate.

Then he insults his opponent.

Instead of demanding a debate, my primary opponent would be better served by studying up on the issues and getting in touch with people he wants to represent.

Then he explains why he is too good to debate his opponent.

If voters are to gain anything from debates, both candidates must be willing and most importantly, capable of putting forth substantive proposals and honestly and truthfully answering questions. Unfortunately for voters, Bob Crowder has shown no ability to do either.

As such, I refuse to waste the voters’ time by dignifying Crowder’s cynical political maneuvering.

Then he insults his hosts again.

On the subject of intelligent discourse, I would also like to address my decision to decline the recent invitation to meet with the Palm Beach Post editorial board. I declined the invitation because I do not answer to self-appointed elitists so blinded by ideology they are incapable of an intellectually honest discussion.

Then he pulls a Palin and says any questions he does not like or does not know the answer to are "gotcha" questions, as is quoting his words.

Furthermore, I am not going to provide an opportunity to play “gotcha” games where they misconstrue my words to advance their own political agenda.

Here is the grandiose part, where he gets grandiose!

Let me be clear. I am not a career politician. I did not learn to communicate in a city council chamber, or on the floor of the state house, or with the help of political consultants or masters of “spin.”

And here is the part where he talks about "nuance," AGAIN.

I learned to communicate on the battlefield, where “nuance” is not at all useful and can be dangerous, if not fatal. I learned that honor, integrity and character are the most important qualities any man can possess, and I believe a man must stand for something, or he will fall for anything.

And, here's the last graf, where he insults his opponent (again) and his hosts (again).

The people of South Florida elected me to represent them on Capitol Hill to put in place the right fiscal and regulatory polices to increase jobs and boost the economy. I will not waste my time and theirs with career politicians who seek office only to feed their egos. Or with panels of self-appointed elites who pontificate about what they believe is best for their readers and the millions of individuals who make our nation so great — yet about whom they truly know so little.

Ask any newspaper editor: Allen West is a true Jedi of the form. [PalmBeachPost]

Rebecca Schoenkopf

Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.

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