Florida Couple Will Let Cops Arrest Them Once They're Done Boning
Something something Coppers, something something Passion
In Jacksonville, Florida, a couple on the run from the law -- or at least cornered by the SWAT team as they hid inside a mobile home -- decided that certain things had to be checked off the ol' bucket list before they turned themselves in to the cops. Which is to say, they kept the police waiting while they had carnal relations (the couple, not the police).
WESH-TV reports, with a completely straight face:
Police tell local media they responded Wednesday night to a Jacksonville mobile home in search of 34-year-old Ryan Patrick Bautista, who was wanted on several warrants. Bautista and 30-year-old Leanne Hunn were holed up in the mobile home, leading to a standoff.
Yes, they were holed up all right. Police said that the fugitives refused to respond to attempts to contact them for about 45 minutes. At some point in the tense standoff, "Hunn told police over the phone that she would give up, but that she wanted to have sex with Bautista 'one last time.'" Who says romance is dead? We'll assume that the offenses Mr. Bautista was wanted for weren't too serious, given that it's Florida and the police didn't simply bust the door down. Or perhaps they politely deferred to the sticker on the door reading "If This Trailer's Rockin', Don't Bother Knockin'." It's also not entirely clear why the police waited 45 minutes, although we suppose that they may have been arguing over who got the binoculars next.
This is not Florida's first law-enforcement brush with Criminal Fucking; as we reported in May, a Florida Man was sentenced to 15 years in prison for doing sex on the beach with his significant other, in public, which seems a tad harsh. And then there was the Florida Man who was busted in a prostitution sting when he attempted to use a salad to pay an undercover officer for sex. At least Bautista and Hunn had the good taste to keep their illicit love behind closed doors and very flimsy walls.
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Thankfully, Ms. Hunn had never heard of the old "gun-in-the-cooter" trick, and the standoff ended peacefully; the couple eventually gave themselves up after the arrival of SWAT team negotiators. The WESH-TV report is annoyingly unclear on whether Bautista and Hunn had finished by that time or whether the negotiators took tactical psy-ops action calculated to negate their libido, such as setting up loudspeakers to broadcast the most recent Republican primary debate.
[WESH-TV via Miami HeraldTip o' the Leather Kitten Headgear to Wonkette Operative "Schmannity"]
Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.
