Hey there, Wonketariat! Before we get started, we think it's important to kindly instruct you, your friends, and family to get the fuck out of Florida. Throw the cat in a crate, grab some canned food, and just go. This hurricane is serious; it's better to be uncomfortable and alive than picking glass out of your ass.

Now here's some of the things we may be talking about today!

Russian trolls used bots to buy ads on Facebook in order to ID people susceptible to brainwashing during the election, but Facebook, after denying it way back in May, says it's super sorry for ruining America.

Which Sen. Chuck Grassley will interview Trump Jr.? Will it be the Hillary-hating old man who would rather die than help a Democrat, or Inspector Clouseau?

After cutting a deal with Democrats to expand the debt ceiling, some conservatives are super mad that the government will be able to pay its bills for a few months.

Just when you thought it was safe to suddenly get pneumonia, Lindsey Graham and Bill Cassidy's healthcare bill has risen from the dead and is lurching through the halls of the Senate. It's already infected John McCain.

Details of the tax schemes concocted by the House Freedom Caucus have leaked, and it's more of their typical Ayn Randian bullshit meant to make the richer richer and poor poorer.

House Democrats want Paul Ryan to form a committee on white supremacy, but a number of Republicans are hesitant to officially label their base as the Nazis they are.

The tale of Mark Zuckerberg's trip to Glacier National Park has gotten stranger now that emails between staffers have been leaked showing Trump appointees leaning on the Park Service in order to numb "a celebrity's personal PR tour." At least he met Gracie the Bark Ranger! 

MO Sen. Claire McCaskill released a report detailing how a drug company was faking cancer patients in order to sell sprayable fentanyl. According to the report, the company would call insurers and act like doctors offices desperately in need of more hillbilly heroin.

Donald Trump promised to give many Ameros to charity that weren't spent for his coronation this past January, but he SHOCKINGLY hasn't made a single donation yet.

GOOD NEWS! The creepy Gawker-killing lawyer who gets off on suing journalists lost a defamation suit against a website that published a detailed expose proving SHIVA AYYADURAI (currently running against Elizabeth Warren) did not invent email.

Steve King has some thoughts about DACA. They are racist thoughts.

Anti-vaxers in California found a loophole in Jesus, now they don't have to give their spawn the scientific kiss of life that prevents diseases.

Illinois gubernatorial candidate Daniel Biss has dumped Chicago alderman Carlos Ramirez-Rosa for his support of the BDS (Boycott, Divest and Sanction Israel) movement, effectively cutting him off from the support of Chicago's hipsters and Berniecrats.

Why are super rich Russians coming to America to have anchor-babies in Trump properties? Why are companies advertising "birth tourism"? How is rich Not American snow trash better than honest and hardworking dreamers?

Steve Bannon says he "respects" the Catholic church, but he just thinks they're wrong about giving all the illegal brown kids a chance. After all, it's hard for Steve Bannon to turn the other cheek when his mouth is already full of his own cock.

And here's your late night wrap-up! Stephen Colbert watched Trump sexually harass his daughter (again); Jimmy Kimmel tried to bribe people to name congress membersSeth Meyers doesn't think Hillary should blame BernieThe Daily Show thinks ISIS should start taking credit for hurricanes.

And here's your morning Nice Time! Hairy armadillo babies!

Freedom isn't free, but 'Yr Wonkette is! Throw us some Ameros so things stay that way!

Dominic Gwinn

Dominic is a broke journalist in Chicago. You can find him in a dirty bar talking to weirdos, or lying in a gutter taking photos.

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'Bella" by Wonkette Operative 'IdiokraticSubpoenaKommissar'

Sunday already, which means a substantial portion of US America is preparing to be astonished/heartbroken/outraged by the series finale of that show with the dragons, while another portion is just going to stay off Twitter for three days because nothing will make any sense. Yr Dok Zoom tends to come very late to trendy things, so get ready for our own thoughts on the gamy thrones show sometime in about 2023, or never. But we'd be glad to tell you just how much we enjoy the brilliance and humanity of the Cartoon Network series "Steven Universe," which debuted in 2013 and we started bingeing on the Hulu last month, late again.

Hell, we still want to talk about that one Mrs Landingham episode of "The West Wing," which we first watched years after it aired (We finally bought our new used car yesterday, and know one thing: don't drive over to the White House to show it off to President Bartlet). We might even get around to reading Infinite Jest someday. We hear it has something to do with a superhero team and a guy named Thanos. So hey, let's talk about culture and missing out and patching together some knowledge of what's happening anyway.

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Get Me Roger Stone

Roger Stone, his wife would like you to know, is broke. And he is not dealing with it well. Once in khaki suits, gee, he looked swell, full of that yankee-doodle-dee-dum, but now no one calls him Al anymore and he has to stand on a street corner singing "Brother Can You Spare A Dime?"

Yesterday, the conservative but also kind of Never Trumper site The Bulwark revealed the details of a grifty "fundraising" plea sent out by Stone's wife Nydia, begging supporters to give money to the Stones in order to help them keep up the lifestyle to which they have become accustomed.

It was titled "I am embarrassed to write this."

"Dear Friend," begins the missive. "My husband and I have an urgent new problem and we need your help. I told my husband I was going to write you, one of his most valued supporters. I am embarrassed to write this, but I must."

"Mrs. Roger Stone" tells a tale of woe: FBI agents swooping in on them at the crack of dawn to arrest her husband, a subsequent "fake news" feeding frenzy causing friends and fans to abandon the Stones.

"He laid off all our consultants, contractors and employees, and we have 'pulled in our belts' like so many Americans in 'tight times,'" she wrote, sounding for all the world like a plucky working-class patriot, not the wife of a man who made and lost his fortune lying in the service of power.

She should have been more embarrassed.

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