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Marion Hammer, the National Rifle Association's top lobbyist in Florida and literally the author of many of the state's laws expanding firearms ownership, is standing her rhetorical and litigious ground after a Florida man sent her several "harassing" emails which left her aghast in a way that the state's body count simply does not. The emails from Miami-Dade dude Brian Fitzgerald, 66, contained no threats, but they definitely had cusses and insults, and even called Hammer an "old bag," so obviously Hammer had to bring a heavy instrument down on him, if only we could think of the word.


The lawsuit against Fitzgerald is just one of several Hammer is pursuing to get satisfaction from very mean people who have sent her untoward messages, like someone who sent her photos of dead bodies that had been made that way by guns. Her suit against Fitzgerald, according to the Miami New Times, sounds like a doozy, accusing him of "harassment, cyberstalking, and intentional infliction of emotional distress."

Good heavens! What sort of monstrous harassing and cyberstalking did that horrid man commit?

Fitzgerald "has transcended mere criticism and has employed threats, harassment, and personal abuse to try to humiliate and intimidate Hammer in a manner that is utterly intolerable in a civilized community," Hammer's suit reads.

Apparently, to Hammer's mind, a series of five emails sent in the days after the massacre at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High constitutes an actual campaign of harassment, although to some of us, five emails is the minimum involved in getting a goddamned computer delivered to the right address. Still, the excerpts from Leon County Circuit Court documents reproduced by New Times are pretty rough stuff, especially for a nice person who regularly doxes Florida politicians and calls them "traitors" to the Second Amendment. She's clearly a sensitive person. Better send the children out of the room, because this is the sort of thing people sue other people over:

Note: we've combined two images into one, if that matters.

In other words, very rude, and about one-third as threatening as stuff on Twitter every five minutes. Still, maybe Hammer can scare some people into being a little more fucking civil.

Mind you, as New Times reporter Jerry Ianelli notes, Florida's "stand your ground" law, largely the handiwork of Hammer and the GOP legislators who invite her to draft legislation, actually is linked with "an abrupt and sustained increase" in homicides across Florida, according to an AMA study published in 2017, so the accusation Hammer is complicit in murder isn't so much "harrrassment" as it is "science."

In conclusion, let us just say, after having weighed the evidence, Marion Hammer is a mean old poopyhead who's gotten people killed, and who seems to have neither a sense of morality or irony. In keeping with our commenting policy, our deepest wish is that she eventually die of natural causes at a ripe old age, unloved and all alone, and haunted by the cries of anguished mothers whose children were shot to death because of policies she helped enact.

Even worse, we wish she may someday be cursed with self-awareness.

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[Miami New Times]

Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

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