Florida Republicans So Mad At Florida Republicans For Making It Harder For Florida Republicans To Vote

State/Local Politics

Florida has very smart Republicans.

We have an amusing update for you on the story Wonkette told you of the new Florida voter suppression bill Wonkette told you about the other day. In its effort to out-Georgia Georgia, to really Florida Man up the voting process, Florida passed a bill that was very, very tough on mail-in voting, we guess because Donald Trump says mail-in voting is bad, even though that's how he and his wife vote. It also changes the rules to make people request absentee ballots every two years, instead of every four years, which could make things extra fun for Florida voters who might not be aware the rules have changed.

Florida GOP Governor Ron DeSantis is hellbent on signing this bill.

Ready for the punchline? We hope you're sitting in your laughing chair, because the Washington Post reported yesterday that Florida Republicans have realized that in their efforts to keep Black people and other likely Democrats from voting, they accidentally have passed a bill that might suppress the hell out of their voters.

DERP.

The Post tells the story of Florida Republicans' long and loving relationship with absentee ballots, going back to the time they surprisingly delivered the 1988 Senate race to the Republicans. It was one of those situations Trump whined about incessantly last year, where everybody went to bed and it looked like one candidate was winning, but then late at night came the DUMPS — the mail-in ballot DUMPS — and by morning the other candidate had won! In this case, the DUMPS redounded to the benefit of the Republican, Connie Mack.

The Post notes that in Florida, this is kiiiiiinda how Republicans often win! They love it! They've spent soooooooo much money winning elections with mail-in voting! Before the COVID-19 pandemic, Democrats didn't even vote by mail that much in Florida!

But Donald Trump says mail-in voting is bad and Donald Trump is the boss and also their Lord and savior, so...


Fast forward to now.

"Donald Trump attempted to ruin a perfectly safe and trusted method of voting," said one longtime Republican consultant in the state who spoke on the condition of anonymity to offer a candid assessment.

"The main law that we pass when we pass election bills in Florida is the law of unintended consequences," he said.

You hate to see it.

"It was comical to watch Trump light on fire 20 years of Republican work and tens of millions of Republican investment — literally lighting a match to it," [Florida Democratic consultant Steve] Schale said. "Every time he sent a tweet out, I'd get a text from a Republican operative here in Florida with an eye-roll emoji."

LOL.

It's not that Florida Republicans are so dumb that none of them actually saw this coming. The Post reports that when some of them realized that they were shooting off their own dicks to spite somebody else's face, they frantically tried to fix their bill to carve out exceptions for the kinds of (white) voters they like. They didn't want old people and military people to get fucked by their voter suppression bill, after all. And Florida has a lot of olds and militaries!

They tried, but were denied:

One former state party official who spoke on the condition of anonymity to relay private conversations said some Republicans briefly discussed whether lawmakers could exempt those two groups from the provision requiring voters to request mail ballots every election cycle. "Key lawmakers said, 'You can't do that,' " the former official said. "It would raise equal protection problems."

Oops. (And we know how concerned with equal protection problems Florida Republicans always are!)

Now, the damage is done, he added. "Now, you'll have military personnel who might not think they have to request a ballot who won't get it. And we've got senior voters who have health concerns or just don't want to go out. They might not know the law has changed, and they might not get a ballot, because they're not engaged."

Did we mention Ron DeSantis is hellbent on signing this bill? Unless something suddenly changes, he is hellbent on signing this bill. Amy Gardner, the journalist who authored this report, said on Maddow last night that Ron DeSantis is hellbent on signing this bill.

Oh well. Guess we'll just have to see how this all shakes out.

Or maybe the Senate could just pass the For the People Act and we could try letting everybody in America have their votes counted. That would be fine too.

[Washington Post]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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