Florida Surgeon General Thinks His Stupid Face Is Too Sexy For Your Mask
Hey, let's check in on Florida's asshole surgeon general, Joseph Ladapo, who refused to wear a mask when meeting with state Sen. Tina Polsky. Polsky has cancer, but we should note that she hadn't yet gone public with her diagnosis. She told Ladapo that she had a “serious medical condition." Of course, during a global pandemic, you're not obligated to provide the specifics of your medical history when politely asking a supposed doctor to wear a mask inside your office. Miss Manners would probably agree.
Ladapo received bipartisan condemnation, and while he hasn't apologized because he's a Republican in 2021, he has offered an explanation for his rudeness. Yes, it's bizarre.
He wrote in a statement released Tuesday:
Having a conversation with someone while wearing a mask is not something I find productive, especially when other options exist. It is important to me to communicate clearly and effectively with people. I can't do that when half of my face is covered.
This Harvard-educated doctor claims he can't communicate effectively while wearing a mask. It's like he's never seen an episode of “M*A*S*H." Hawkeye delivers some of his best Frank Burns burns while masked in the OR. He was also capable of conveying deep emotion, but Alan Alda's awesome. Ladapo is a tool.
I'd almost cut Ladapo some slack if he was an Idris Elba-looking motherfucker. You go through most of your life with everyone hanging on your every word, and once the pandemic hits, you realize that with half your face covered, you're significantly less charming.
But no one needs to see Ladapo's full face exposed, even under the best conditions. We get the idea. The mask might even help add some mystery.
The so-called doctor who's afraid of masks insists that he would never "knowingly disrespect anyone." Yet, he couldn't do the bare-ass minimum and wear a mask for 20 minutes. When someone asks me to remove my shoes when I visit their home, I don't push back, even if I'm afraid one of my socks has gone hobo. I don't communicate effectively with cold feet, but I respect my host's request.
Ladapo claims, “I attempted in good faith to find some way for us to communicate that would respect each of our preferences." Yes, he had mask alternatives! For instance, he offered Polsky the opportunity to leave her comfortable, climate-controlled office and talk to his dumb ass outside, where the weather was probably crap on account of it's Florida. Seriously, she just told him she has a “serious medical condition" and he thinks she wants to go outside with all the mosquitos and random alligators.
She declined, but he wasn't done. There was one last option, and boy was it stupid: "I even offered to sit outside her office in the hallway," said this supposedly functioning adult. How would that even work? He's just going to sit down in the hallway while people are trying to get past him. That's not a conversation. That's a traffic jam. He'd rather look like (more of) an idiot instead of just putting on a damn mask.
LADAPO: Unfortunately, she did not consider any of these options to be satisfactory.
Yeah, Polsky's the unreasonable one. She's trying to do her job when this absurd "Saturday Night Live" sketch shows up at her door.
Ladapo also refuses to confirm his vaccination status, so he's really not someone anyone should spend their time around, even if he's sitting in the hallway.
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Stephen Robinson is a writer and social kibbitzer based in Portland, Oregon. He writes reviews for the A.V. Club and make believe for Cafe Nordo, an immersive theatre space in Seattle. He's also on the board of the Portland Playhouse theatre. His son describes him as a “play typer guy."