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Forced Birth Enthusiasts Claim Vaccines Are Immunizing Us All To Their Prayers

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I don't quite know how to tell you this, but a group of anti-abortion lunatics are currently urging people to stop immunizing their children on account of the fact that they believe that because some vaccines were made using cell lines from two aborted fetuses back in the 1960s, said vaccines are not only immunizing the world against disease, but against their prayers as well. They claim that were it not for these vaccines unfairly intervening with their plans, they would have overturned Roe v. Wade by now.

The group calls themselves Intercessors for America, and their whole deal is basically that they think prayers are literal magic and that if they pray super hard for leaders to do what they want, all of their wishes will come true. They send out a newsletter filled with extremely specific prayers for various politicians based on what they are doing that day and also have an "interactive prayer wall" on their site, which is actually just a Facebook comment section of some kind where a bunch of people are posting their prayers.

No, I did not press send. Though I was tempted.


IFA has issued a 4-page report explaining that because many of the people praying to end abortion in America have had vaccines made with these cell lines, their prayers have been less effective than they would be otherwise.

Intercessors have been praying for decades for the curse of abortion to be broken over our nation.Shocking news reports and testimonies are revealing the dark and evil realities of this sin, as more people are rising up in prayer than ever before.

And now, new evidence is emerging regarding aborted fetal tissue used to manufacture vaccinations that billions around the world have been inoculated with for decades. More than likely, intercessors praying for the overturn of Roe v. Wade have, unknowingly, been vaccinated with this very tissue. This revelation could provide some answers to why our break- through has not yet come.

Well, that's just basic science right there. It's clear that the only way to truly protect the sanctity of life in this country is for people to make their children more susceptible to diseases that could kill them and to then spread those diseases to other unvaccinated children or to immunocompromised children that cannot take vaccines and thus rely on herd immunity to not die.

This theory is definitely some A+ crank magnetism here -- truly, it is the Traveling Willburys of people who are not very good at science -- and I would be lying if I were to say I was not looking forward to hearing what this group has to say about the effects of fluoride and chem trails on their prayers.

Well, that's it for today! This is now your open thread and you can talk about whatever you like! Enjoy!

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Robyn Pennacchia

Robyn Pennacchia is a brilliant, fabulously talented and visually stunning angel of a human being, who shrugged off what she is pretty sure would have been a Tony Award-winning career in musical theater in order to write about stuff on the internet. Previously, she was a Senior Staff Writer at Death & Taxes, and Assistant Editor at The Frisky (RIP). Currently, she writes for Wonkette, Friendly Atheist, Quartz and other sites. Follow her on Twitter at @RobynElyse

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Cripes the News has been awful lately! And so Yr Editrix suggested we find some good, positive news. Especially after we pitched writing a Wonket about this Mother Jones story on how global warming may be killing the whales, even though Donald Trump knows their prince. (Reply: "Nope. FOR SURE NOT THAT.") And so, as a reminder that a gooder world is possible and apropos of nothing at all that definitely didn't set your Editrix off on Twitter, where she has been stewing and bitching most shrillfully about the 2016 election and the 2020 election and any terrible similarities thereof and thereupon and therefore and thereto, we present a collection of videos of Elizabeth Warren yelling at big banks and calling for them to be broken up and their criminal operators to go to jail. Puppies and kittens will only get you so far, after all.

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