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Some People Think Ivanka Trump Is Awesome And Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez Isn't, Which Is Why You Shouldn't Care What People Think

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The French government posted a video this weekend of Ivanka Trump embarrassing herself in front of world leaders at the G20 summit in Osaka, Japan. It was worse than when George H.W. Bush vomited on the Japanese prime minister's lap, because no one actually elected Ivanka to puke stupidity on the global stage.

Sweet Christ. Ivanka is so pathetic we'd almost feel sorry for her if she wasn't a complicit member of a crime family. Professionals who study body language or anyone who's attended a party in their lives can see how awkward this is. It's like "the idiot at a dinner party with New York intellectuals scene" from every Woody Allen film. Canadian prime minister Justin Trudeau, UK prime minister Theresa May, French president Emmanuel Macron, and IMF chairwoman Christine Lagarde -- serious human beings -- are trying to have a serious conversation when the grifter princess talk blocks them to Lagarde's obvious disgust. This is what she had to contribute:

IVANKA: And in terms of the defense side, the whole, uh, ecosystem, it's been very male dominant, so...

Oh, she was so proud of that sentence she almost finished. Her mom is going to frame that sentence and hang it on her refrigerator.

Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez correctly observed that Ivanka is barely qualified to stand upright let alone represent the United States at an economic summit. It's bad enough Donald Trump is there. He could at least spring for some professional diplomats. Conservatives around the world rushed to defend the president's likely 2020 running mate from the mean Congress lady.


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These assholes love to throw AOC's former side hustle in her face. Bartending is a real job, one Ivanka's never had. We think bartenders serve a more valuable public service than charlatans who "run" fake charities. Check out what Ivanka's wearing, by the way. The lady can't even dress right, and fashion was kinda what she used to do. We bet Ocasio-Cortez could still whip up a solid Vesper.

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Again, for the stupid people watching Fox News in the back, Ocasio-Cortez studied international relations and economics at Boston University. She interned in the immigration office of Senator Ted Kennedy. She was a John F. Lopez fellow and piloted literary programs in the South Bronx. She won international science competitions in high school and has an asteroid named after her. It's a small asteroid, but she seems to like it. She also launched a book publishing firm in 2012. Ocasio-Cortez is not just qualified to serve in Congress. She's almost qualified to deliver Alec Baldwin's "I am God!" speech from Malice.

What burns us most about the bartender digs is that Ocasio-Cortez worked 18-hour shifts to help her family. Her father had recently died and her mother was cleaning houses and driving a school bus. Conservatives claim to care about "work ethic," but they have no problem with job-shaming someone who doesn't even have that job anymore.

Look, you can disagree with Ocasio-Cortez's politics, but you can't deny reality and argue she's not exceptional. There's a conservative need to believe people of color can fall ass backwards into fame and fortune, but that's not how the world works (usually). Major systemic failures are why Ivanka was breathing the same air as the head of the IMF. They are not why Ocasio-Cortez is in the House. If she'd done nothing but work as a bartender, Ocasio-Cortez still won a primary and a general election, both without help from a hostile foreign power. That's all the qualification the Constitution demands.

Ivanka's "resume" involves working for her father or people who want to keep her father happy. Sarah Huckabee Sanders claimed that Ivanka "creates" jobs and Ocasio-Cortez "destroys" them. This is a lie. (We're not counting "careers" in sweat shops.) The president's daughter is not in Ocasio-Cortez's league, and it's ridiculous to try to prove otherwise. Ivanka doesn't take a salary because that's the only way her non-job is even legal. There's nothing noble about exploiting loopholes in anti-nepotism laws -- laws, we remind you, that were designed to protect world leaders from exposure to airborne idiocy. Ivanka can afford to haunt the White House without pay because she's already rich, and the salary she "sacrifices" is a bargain-rate price to pay for access and an inflated sense of self-importance. Plus some sweet Chinese patents on the side.

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Stephen Robinson

Stephen Robinson is a writer and social kibbitzer based in Portland, Oregon. He recently fled Seattle, where he did theatre work for Book-It Rep and Cafe Nordo.

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