Welcome to President Bush, Mrs. Bush, and my fellow astronauts! Former Vice President Dan Quayle, whom I have not thought about since I found my childhood copy of "Where's Dan Quayle" at my parent's house over Christmas, is BACK. And guess who he loves sooooooo much? It is presumptive GOP presidential nominee Donald Trump!

Quayle stopped by both The Today Show and CNBC's Squawk Box to talk about how Donald Trump is totally going to win this election, and all the #NeverTrumpers will learn to love him, because he is a winner.

Plus, he has made the world safe for people who continually say incredibly stupid things, which surely has nothing to do with why Dan Quayle chose to come out of the woodwork at this time.

On Squawkbox, Quayle explained that Trump will totally beat Hillary Clinton, because this is "the year of the outsider," and Trump is a winner who is very good at winning. Unlike Dan Quayle, we guess, who was part of a team that lost to the Clintons back in 1992.

As far as the rest of party rallying around him? Well, Donald Trump will just do what he wants and everyone will just have to be cool with that, and embrace him as the nominee. Paul Ryan will come around too, he says, because "a great majority of his caucus will support Donald Trump, without qualification." Which, given his lack of qualifications, is the only way they could.

When asked if Trump has the temperament to be president, Quayle stated that "he is going to find out as he starts to go around Capitol Hill, folks in Congress, they need a lot of stroking. You got to be nice. He can be nice when people are nice to him."

Also, Quayle explained how Donald Trump doesn't have to release his tax returns if he doesn't wanna, because he is an outsider who plays by no ones rules but his own. Plus, it won't even be a story in a few days anyway, and we will all just let it go and let him do as he pleases.

Most of the same subject matter was discussed during his Today Show appearance, with the exception of Matt Lauer pointing out that some people thought Dan Quayle was not especially qualified to be vice president when he was first chosen for the job (or after), and asking him if he thought Donald Trump was qualified to be the president of these here The United States. Quayle's answer? "We'll find out." Which is a ringing endorsement if I ever heard one.

Though he admitted that Hillary Clinton is more qualified "on paper," he says that Donald Trump, a rich old WASP man who inherited a lot of money from his dad one time, is more qualified at being an outsider. Back in 1988, Dan Quayle said that Dan Quayle was very qualified due to the fact that he was young and good looking like Jack Kennedy, and we all know how that turned out.

Sadly, he didn't say anything thrillingly Dan Quayle-like in the interviews (did not even MENTION Murphy Brown), so let us all take a moment and remember the time he said a thing that is far more relevant to the Trump campaign than it ever was to the United Negro College Fund: "What a waste it is to lose one's mind. Or not to have a mind is being very wasteful. How true that is."


Robyn Pennacchia

Robyn Pennacchia is a brilliant, fabulously talented and visually stunning angel of a human being, who shrugged off what she is pretty sure would have been a Tony Award-winning career in musical theater in order to write about stuff on the internet. Previously, she was a Senior Staff Writer at Death & Taxes, and Assistant Editor at The Frisky (RIP). Currently, she writes for Wonkette, Friendly Atheist, Quartz and other sites. Follow her on Twitter at @RobynElyse

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Once upon a time... about ten years ago, a group of entirely ridiculous men burst onto the scene wearing stupid hats and telling men that wearing stupid hats and telling men that walking up to women in bars and insulting ("negging") them would get them laid. This did not last long, as women also had televisions and computers and were completely aware of these tricks as well, so when some ass came up to us in a bar and said "Hey, nice nails, are they real?" we would laugh and laugh and loudly announce "Oh my god, this guy just tried to neg me! Can you believe that shit? HEY EVERYONE, THIS GUY JUST TRIED TO NEG ME!" and then refer to him as "Mystery" the whole night.

Most of the men who tried that shit only did so a few times before realizing that it wasn't going to work, and thus moved on to other things. Perhaps things that did not involve furry hats and coming off as a huge creep. We may never know, because I would assume that those who tried it are now extremely embarrassed and would never, ever admit to this to us.

Still, there were a few men willing to eat that shit up, as well as some grifters willing to take advantage of that. Said grifters tended to be extremely misogynistic and seemed more like they were teaching men how to be as despised by women as they were than teaching them how to actually be liked by women.

Some of them, like Roosh V, a creepy weirdo who actually does live in his mom's basement, actively encouraged men to rape women who were intoxicated to the point of being obviously unable to consent.

However, even that branch of the PUA tree is wilting away. Many "self-help" style PUA forums like Nextasf and RSDnation are shutting down or have already shut down. In March, Chateau Heartiste, a batshit crazy PUA turned White Nationalist/Alt-Right blog was shut down by Wordpress. This week, rape advocate Roosh V (whom you may recall once called yours truly a "Wonkette typist/clown face, would not bang") announced that he was renouncing his PUA ways and devoting himself to Jesus. He explained to the forum he manages that he would no longer be allowing anyone to discuss premarital "fornication."

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'Baby Geniuses' star Jon Voight took to Twitter early this morning to proclaim his undying love for Donald Trump, probably because there is no one left in his life who will listen to him talk about this, or anything else, in person. In this video rant, Voight encouraged members of the Republican Party, whom he apparently thinks are the only real citizens of the United States, to stand by Donald Trump and "acknowledge the truth" that he is the best President since Abraham Lincoln.

Part ONE:

People of the Republican Party, I know you will agree with me when I say our president has our utmost respect and our love. This job is not easy. For he's battling the left and their absurd words of destruction. I've said this once and I'll say this again. That our nation has been built on the solid ground from our forefathers, and there is a moral code of duty that has been passed on from President Lincoln. I'm here today to acknowledge the truth, and I'm here today to tell you my fellow Americans that our country…

Oh no, not our absurd words of destruction!

Part DEUX:

is stronger, safer, and with more jobs because our President has made his every move correct. Don't be fooled by the political left, because we are the people of this nation that is witnessing triumph. So let us stand with our president. Let us stand up for this truth, that President Trump is the greatest president since President Lincoln.

Does Jon Voight not know there have been... other presidents? Can he name them? Because really, it does not sound like it. Does he also not know that a very big chunk of the Republican Party actually does not care very much for Abraham Lincoln? Namely those defenders of Confederate statues that Trump called "very fine people?" Also, did he intentionally diss their beloved Ronald Reagan?

Who can know? Who can even tell what he is trying to say or why he is trying to say it. He doesn't appear to have tweeted much since 2016, so I'm guessing whoever's job it was to keep him from tanking his career quit. Either that... or after filming the seventh season of Ray Donovan, he found out it's going to be canceled or his character is getting killed off or something and he is now free to be a jackass? I don't know, I haven't watched the show, although my parents are very into it and mad that I haven't watched it. Literally all I know about it is that it has something to do with Boston, because they keep mentioning that to me like it's a selling point.

It seems useless at this point to note that the people who scream their faces off about how bad it is for Hollywood celebs to support liberal causes, and how they should keep their politics to themselves, etc. etc. make a way bigger deal than normal people do whenever a Big Time Hollywood Celebrity like Jon Voight or, uh, Scott Baio, supports their cause. Mostly because they're the only ones who have elected a reality TV star and the star of Bedtime for Bonzo (who by the way, also once practically ruined a perfectly good Bette Davis movie with his bad acting. Which is not to say that Dark Victory is not fantastic and probably the best thing to watch if you want to sob your face off, but he was very bad in it.) to run the country.

But we might as well do that anyway, because it actually never stops being funny.

[Jon Voight Twitter]

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