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'Fox & Friends' Millionaires Bitching About Class Traitor Bernie Sanders

Elections

Fox News graciously invited presidential candidate Bernie Sanders onto its network for a town hall Monday night. And like your typical two-faced hosts, they ragged on their guest as soon as he'd left the building. Sean Hannity kicked off his show with a drive-by attack on "Crazy Bernie" (a mature nickname he swiped from Donald Trump) and the "radical socialist Democratic Party."

HANNITY: That was hard to watch! Bernie Sanders for two hours, wow! Gee, let's hear every communist idea we possibly can.

That's a fair criticism, we guess, from someone whose show airs between an hour of Tucker Carlson and Laura Ingraham. Sanders, by the way, is not a communist. He didn't spend two hours reading his favorite sections of "Dialectical and Historical Materialism" to the audience. He just wants to raise rich people's taxes. When an actual real live socialist is running for president, you shouldn't have to make up shit. It's like when right-wing conspiracy theorists claimed Barack Obama wasn't even born in the US. C'mon, the guy's black. Have a sense of sportsmanship.


This morning, the gang at "Fox & Friends" expressed their concerns about Sanders bringing the French Revolution to their gated communities. Slipping on his monocle and top hat, Fox Business host Stuart Varney joined their collective mass whine over Sanders's proposal to raise taxes on the rich as if they were the common suckers Trump screwed over with his tax scam.

VARNEY: Here is a guy who is -- [Sanders is] a 1 percenter. He's a millionaire. And he's a socialist. I got a problem with that. He is trying to make sure that we, the rest of us on our way up, don't accumulate the kind of pile that he has already got at 77.

Stuart Varney himself, per Internet, is a 10-millionaire! So that seems like maybe some dishonest bullshit right there. Fox itself reports that the Vermont senator has a net worth of about $2 million. We wouldn't kick those dollars out of bed for eating pennies but it's hardly a "pile." Captain Marvel pulled in that much during its sixth Saturday in release. Varney then decried the "unfairness" of Sanders increasing the estate tax.

VARNEY: Where is the fairness in confiscating our money when we've saved all our lives for that money to pass on to our children and our grandchildren? Where is the fairness in confiscating that?

Yes, it's only "fair" for rich people to hoard millions for their grandchildren who didn't earn it while actual, living people starve or die from preventable illnesses. Why else did Jesus Christ discover America? Although the panel fully supports the untaxed transfer of unearned wealth, they draw the line at Sanders picking their pockets on behalf of the working poor.

AINSLEY EARHARDT: Or where is the fairness in if you don't work, but I work really hard, where is the fairness in taking half of my paycheck to give it to you who is not working at all?

Lady, poor people work. They're working while you're sleeping underneath your high thread count sheets. They're working during your pedicure and facial. All they ask is for the children you'd like to legally require them to bear don't have rickets. And, really, does Earhardt seriously believe she works "really hard"? Are we missing the installments of "Fox & Friends" where she's baling hay? She just sits on a couch between two assholes. That's worth some hazard pay, but it's hardly grueling labor.

Varney further elaborated on the Fox News definition of "fairness" with some Darwinian gibberish.

VARNEY: To me, fairness is allowing people with the brains, talent, drive, and ability to climb that food chain and get to the top and stay there and be proud of it. Fairness to him is taking it off you.

Varney apparently thinks rich people are apex predators. And he's not wrong! He probably fantasizes about literally eating the poor while smearing their blood on his face. Seems fair.

[Media Matters]

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Stephen Robinson

Stephen Robinson is a writer and social kibbitzer based in Seattle. However, he's more reliable for food and drink recommendations in Portland, where he spends a lot of time for theatre work. His co-adaptation of "Jitterbug Perfume" by Tom Robbins is playing NOW at Pioneer Square's Cafe Nordo. All Wonketters welcome.

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Nancy Pelosi is making news again today after her weekly press conference, mostly because she said this about yesterday's nutbag performance from President Stable Genius:

[T]his time, another temper tantrum — again — I pray for the President Of The United States. I wish him and his family, his administration and staff would have an intervention for the good of the country.

She prays for him. And she's just kind of suggesting that maybe the president is unwell, in his brain. She's being very subtle!

When Glenn Thrush asked afterward what kind of "intervention" she might be talking about, she suggested that Article 25 would be just fine.

But many folks out there right now are saying "BUT WHAT ABOUT INPEACH! They are not going to do an intervention, because the intervention is called INPEACH!" (They are taking her words very literally, it would seem.) Every other damn day lately, there is news about how "NANCY SAID INPEACH IS BAD" or "NANCY SAID TRUMP'S ACTIONS IS SELF-INPEACH-ATORY, WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN, NANCY!" and whatever else, we don't know, because we have muted all of Twitter until further notice. (Here is some news about the House Democrats' weekly meeting yesterday, most of which was about Democrats yelling INPEACH! while Nancy Pelosi gave them cold showers.)

Here's the thing:

In today's presser, Pelosi was clearer than ever about her feelings on impeachment -- she doesn't like it, and she'd really hate for the nation to get to a place where that's inevitable, she is just saying it would be truly terrible for them to have to do that -- but they might just be FORCED to go there. And wouldn't that be just terrible? Nancy Pelosi is praying about that just like she is praying for Trump, under a big oak tree that casts all the shade she threw at Donald Trump for her entire fucking presser.

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Happy Throwback Thursday! Remember Paul Manafort? He's still in jail, don't worry. But it looks like he might be getting some company soon from his old pal Stephen Calk, who just got indicted today by the Southern District of New York.

Calk was a simple CEO and COB at the Federal Savings Bank of Chicago, but he had big dreams. He'd been an army pilot and a money guy, so he figured he was competent to be either Secretary of Treasury or Secretary of Army. He'd take Commerce or HUD, or even a cool ambassadorship to France, or the UK, or the UN -- he wasn't picky. Just any old position befitting a guy who is 100 percent going to be played by Michael McKean in the movie version of this nightmare.

Luckily Calk knew a guy on the inside. Sure that guy had recently been You're Fired from the Trump campaign for ratfucking the Ukrainian election, but Paul Manafort was still waving his bits all over Trumpland in the summer and fall of 2016, so Paul Manafort had the hookup that Calk needed. Luckily, Calk had what Manafort needed, which was MONEY. Manafort's fountain of untaxed cash had dried up since the Ukrainians gave his guy Viktor Yanukovych the boot, and he was in danger of losing multiple investment properties to foreclosure. So naturally Calk stepped up to the plate with $15 million in loans to keep the wolves at bay, because what are friends with more political ambition than scruple for, right?

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