Fox & Friends: Hillary Clinton Can't Talk Southern, She Only Lived In Arkansas 18 Years!
Let's Make A Stupid about Hillary Clinton, with the cast of teevee's Fox & Friends. You see, Wednesday, Hillary Clinton spoke in South Carolina, and not only did she make a joke about how her hair won't go white in the White House, because she's been coloring it for years (it was actually pretty funny!), but she said it in a Southern accent, FAKER!!!! She also said that she ate chicken and waffles, which is an obvious lie because Hillary Clinton only eats at Chipotle, and she doesn't tip. The Fox & Friends couch ... well, let's just say her accent confused them very much.
Brian Kilmeade -- the Rapey One -- started by saying, "Listen to this. Hillary Clinton. For me, if I'm Southern, I don't think, I would be a little insulted if somebody I knew from the Northeast is putting on a bad Southern accent!" That drew squawks of "Brian, why???" and "She's from Chicago!" from the other howler monkeys on the couch.
They then played a montage of Clinton faking the Southern talk a bunch of times, including clips from 1983 and 1992, when Hillary Clinton lived in, where was it, oh that's right, ARKANSAS. In fact, she lived in Arkansas for 18 YEARS, ALAN. The substitute host -- since he is not Steve Doocy, we will just call him The Other One -- points out her history of living in Arkansas and asks, COMPLETELY SERIOUSLY, "Does that rub off on ya?" SHRUG I DUNNO DOES IT? Elisabeth Hasselbeck, mindfucked as ever, asks if Southern accents are "contagious."
Okay, let us see if we can explain to these slobbering fuckweasels how talking works, and how accents can intermingle. Yr Wonkette is from the South, and sometimes we talk very Southern. Sometimes, also, too, we are on the television or the radio and we don't sound quite so Southern! ARE WE FAKING IT? No, we are not. Because human beings -- Hillary Clinton, for example -- move around, and they pick up different pieces of different accents in different places. We can hear Chicago sometimes in Hillary's accent, and sometimes she sounds more Northeast, and surprise, sometimes, if she's around the Southerns, that part of her accent will come out, because she lived in Arkansas for, again, 18 YEARS.
Imagine what Brian Kilmeade would sound like if he still had the exact same accent he was raised with. He'd still sound date-rapey, but the minute-long animal grunts every few words would be at the very least disconcerting.
CNN reports that, in Clinton's remarks, she talked about pay equality for women, but the Elisabeth One, The Rapey One, and The Other One didn't see fit to report any of that. They just wanted to talk about how Hillary Clinton is a big old Fakey McFakerton and says "y'all" to pander to the yokels. And then they went home from Fox News, content in the knowledge that they had successfully completed another day of Doing Journalism.