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REAL pollsters


Dumb people of America, rejoice! You have been having such a hard time understanding why "polls" say "Killary Benghazi Woman" is winning for president, when you and everybody you know are die-hard Trump supporters. How can this even be, when you probably know at least half of the people in America and they all hate Hillary? Oh, meager attempts to tell the REAL story have been made. There's that fun Trump-supporting website, the one that says Trump is the REAL winner of the polls. There's Dead Breitbart's little vanity project, an independent polling operation that intends to do REAL POLLING, and whose first poll shows ... Hillary Clinton winning. OOPS, WHAT FAILURES.

Things are looking pretty hopeless. But good news! There is an app to solve Trump supporters' pathetic problems! It is called the Zip app, and as this report from Tuesday's "Fox & Friends" shows conclusively, it is way more scientific than even dumb old Breitbart's polling thingie. Let's watch as idiot boy Steve Doocy experiences the relief of learning that, on the Zip app, Trump is already president: