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If you are a typical human being who thinks putting the TV on "Fox & Friends" while you eat your deep fried Hot Pockets for breakfast counts as "watching news" or "staying informed," then you probably think Donald Trump is great, and you don't care if he's compromised by Russia, because at least he's not that bitch Hillary, who did Benghazi with her emails, which is surely a worse crime than doing Russia's bidding as the American president. So you sure enough didn't want to watch Monday's five-and-a-half-hour House Intelligence Committee hearing on Trump's Russian connections! Boring, and not least because there's an Olive Garden gift card burning a hole in your wallet!

Luckily, the journalism brains at "Fox & Friends" decided to cover the hearings in their entirety, and all with a handy video you can watch on your phone while you're waiting to get seated for unlimited breadsticks:

Hooray! James Comey said he couldn't answer a bunch of the questions! And that's literally all that happened, if your primary source of news is the "Fox & Friends" Twitter feed. (The other big news about the hearing, of course, was that Comey officially called bullshit on Trump's "wire tapp" lies and officially confirmed that the FBI is investigating Trump's ties to Russia.)

[wonkbar]<a href="http://www.wonkette.com/614441/james-comey-pisses-on-trumps-wire-tapp-bs-like-a-russian-pee-hooker"></a>[/wonkbar]Now, we don't know how much of the Comey hearing Fox News covered in real time, because we were watching MSNBC like a common libtard. But don't worry, "Fox & Friends" was actually ON THE CASE on Tuesday morning, with Brian "The Rapey-Looking One" Kilmeade doing a hot exclusive interview with wingnut GOP idiot Trey Gowdy about the REAL Trump Russia investigation, which is, in Republicans' eyes, finding out who leaked info about disgraced former national security adviser Michael Flynn being a foreign agent and a creep. In that interview, Gowdy said he was really mad FBI Director James Comey would not "assure us that there's a leak investigation," because come on, "leaking classified information is a crime." (Gowdy hates it when people do that, except when he's doing it himself.) Anyway, Trey Gowdy has WORK TO DO, and rest assured, he's ready to have eight or nine hearings on the subject, waste tons of taxpayer time and money, and then come up empty-handed, just like he did with Benghazi.

[wonkbar]<a href="http://www.wonkette.com/614470/the-five-best-times-devin-nunes-shit-the-bed-during-mondays-comey-hearings"></a>[/wonkbar]Brian Kilmeade also asked Gowdy if the FBI should be looking into whether former Hillary Clinton campaign manager John Podesta has bad Russia connections too, we guess because Fox News saw Trump's tweet about "WHAT ABOUT HILLARY'S RUSSIA CONNECTIONS?" and Devin Nunes's weird puppy-begging to Comey about investigating Hillary, and got the message that "Let's blame Hillary!" is still a pretty good strategy for distracting their viewers.

Here, watch part of the Gowdy interview, if you hate yourself or something:

"Fox & Friends" talked to Kellyanne Conway about the hearing too, but it was lame and boring, so fuck her.

Anyway, really good journalism, "Fox & Friends"! Somebody should give y'all a Peabody, or a Polk, or whatever award Bill O'Reilly won. YOU DESERVE IT.

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[Fox & Friends Twitter]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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