Fox News Commies Turn On America’s Stock-Dumping Sweetheart, Kelly Loeffler


Sen. Kelly Loeffler from Georgia is busy cleaning up her mess after cleaning up her stock portfolio. Loeffler and her husband, Jeffrey Sprecher, the chairman of the New York Stock Exchange, dumped a few million in stocks after an all-senators briefing with Dr. Anthony Fauci back in January, when we still had meetings. Her sales don't look quite as an incriminating as North Carolina Sen. Richard Burr's, but he's not running for re-election this year. Gov. Brian Kemp appointed Loeffler to her seat in December and she has to actually face voters -- metaphorically, of course -- in a November special election.

Loeffler has never held prior political office. She's a Republican in Georgia and might've won her first actual race on partisan inertia, but now she has to really put herself out there. Unfortunately, Loeffler doesn't come across as the most honest and trustworthy person. She reminds me of the villain in a Lifetime movie who's threatening to foreclose on the family farm or bulldoze the family diner, both of which are run by Lacey Chabert.


Fox News anchor Ed Henry asked Loeffler some tough questions about the stock sales on Friday. He wondered why if she was as certain about Donald Trump's management of the situation as she claimed, she dropped more stocks than Tupac dropped records in the 1990s.

HENRY: Senator, you thought the government was prepared ... You sold over $1 million in stocks before the market went down. Were you trading on inside information about what was coming?

LOEFFLER: I'm really glad you asked, Ed.

She so wasn't.

LOEFFLER: Let me set the record straight. I've seen some of those stories. It's absolutely false and it could not be true. f you actually look at the personal transaction reports that were filed, it notices at the bottom I'm only informed after by transactions after they occurred, several weeks. Those transactions, on my behalf at least, were a mix of buys and sells. Very routine for my portfolio.

HENRY: You said they were routine, senator. I mentioned the sales before stocks went down. They also purchased -- your third party advisers -- Citrix, a teleconferencing company. With workers displaced now, given the crisis, teleconferencing companies are doing quite well. Who are these third party advisers? They seem to have a pretty good idea of where the market was headed.

Loeffler pled ignorance. She pays no attention to what trades men behind the curtains make on her behalf. She's just impossibly, cluelessly rich -- like Paris Hilton but not as useful to society. This should definitely endear her to all those Georgians who are going to lose their jobs or have to keep working the ones they still have because they can't retire.

The senator boasted some more about her rich asshole credentials: She couldn't have broken the rules because she knows the rules so well. This makes no sense. If a lawyer is accused of shooting someone, they can't dismiss the charges on account of having a professional understanding that murder is a crime.

Jesse Watters on Fox's "The Five" claimed Loeffler was the second “sketchiest" of the four senators who sold stock before market crash.

WATTERS: Loeffler's husband is the chairman of the New York Stock Exchange. She sold these stocks on the day of the briefing, right after it happened. Not only did she sell a lot of stock, but she bought a stock which benefits from a software that helps teleworking, people that work from home. It doesn't look very good.

No, it doesn't look good that Fox News is hammering Loeffler. Saturday, she tried to tweet a PR photo of herself “working to get the American people the relief they need" and she got ratioed all to be damned.


If Loeffler's staff was half as competent as her psychic brokers, she might've been photographed in blue jeans and an Atlanta Braves hat. Try to at least look like she's pulling an all-nighter. About a decade ago, Loeffler and her husband bought a 15,000-square-foot mansion -- ideal for social distancing! -- in Buckhead, Atlanta for $10.5 million, which was the most expensive real estate transaction ever in the city.

Modeled in the style of an old European estate, Descante (as it's called) is a stucco, steel, and limestone structure that boasts Versailles parquet in the dining room, a library with a secret passage to the living room, and a nineteenth-century pool house from France.

The coronavirus has created a new normal, and it's possible that even Republicans might not rush to support loaded politicians who weren't even mildly inconvenienced by the market crash. Loeffler's claim that simple non-criminal, dumb luck saved her millions will probably piss people off more. But considering we're just a couple weeks away from Bane showing up, Loeffler might have more serious troubles than keeping her Senate seat.

Bane. Gotham is yours

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Stephen Robinson

Stephen Robinson is a writer and social kibbitzer based in Portland, Oregon. He writes reviews for the A.V. Club and make believe for Cafe Nordo, an immersive theatre space in Seattle. He's also on the board of the Portland Playhouse theatre. His son describes him as a “play typer guy."


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