Fox News Dumbass Wishes Y'all Would Stop Victim-Shaming Poor Donald Trump

Completely innocent!

[contextly_sidebar id="Rb2kuh8zyQMVi5UmWJPWslATzMlDK2dK"]Rarely is the question asked, "Why is Trump supporters such violent pig-thugs?" JUST KIDDING EVERYBODY IS ASKING THAT RIGHT NOW. As Trump has explained, it is not fair to blame HIM for any of the violence, because he's just the "messenger," and all his peeps are So Mad Bro at Washington and the Establishment and Obama and probably whoever bought the last tub of fried lard frosting at the Big Lots. Should we blame Hillary Clinton for sending protesters in, forcing Trump supporters to react with their meaty fists? Maybe! But not Trump.

Fox News's Eric Bolling has come up with a completely normal analogy for why it's very unfair to blame Trump for the violence:

[B]laming Donald Trump for violence that occurs at or outside of one of his speeches is like blaming the -- you know, the old blame the girl if she's wearing too short of a dress for the rape. How is it her fault if she's doing something that does something to someone else, how is it Donald Trump's fault if there's a protest and two people get into it outside a protest? I think it's the same thing.

Yep, that's just the same. How is it Donald Trump's fault if he seduces his followers with the buxom cleavage of resentment and the tantalizing inner thighs of racism? If you think that, you are no better than a patriarchal assmunch who blames girls for their own rapes. And Fox News is just not down with anti-feminist attitudes like that, no siree.

So this got us wondering: What ELSE are idiot Fox News snot-holes saying about the violence at Trump rallies?

Alleged Pee Enthusiast Todd Starnes Thanks Obama For Trump Rally Violence, THANKS OBAMA.

Well fuck, we've heard this one before. Todd Starnes, when he is not drinking pee (allegedly), is basically just writing down whatever Trump says and calling it "journalism." But lest you think he's lazy, he goes above and beyond his calling, with some super special extra racism:

The person responsible for fomenting political unrest is not Donald Trump. It's President Obama. For the past seven and a half years, this man has been stoking division and discord. You want to talk about creating controversy? Fine. Let's talk about Baltimore and Ferguson, Missouri, and Trayvon Martin. President Obama is the one who told his followers if they bring a knife to the fight, we bring a gun. That's what he said.

[contextly_sidebar id="yeohJWKyu5yxwrv0ijDuS9Pf5OI37ACX"]If Barack Obama hadn't forced George Zimmerman to murder Trayvon Martin (because George Zimmerman is a trigger-happy pussy), Trump supporters wouldn't be beating the shit out of blacks and Hispanics and whoever else they feel like beating up at the moment. Sure thing.

[T]he folks who pay the bills in this country are fed up. We're tired of being called racists and homophobic and xenophobic. The Silent Majority is mad as hell and we're not going to take it anymore.

Heh, the ones who pay the bills? You mean Donald Trump's "poorly educated" Hoveround gang? We had no idea those human-shaped swamp turds were bankrolling this operation we call "America," but now we know.

Brian 'The Rapey One' Kilmeade Says White Trump Fans Are Drunk Red Sox Fans, Whereas The Protesters Are Pure Yankees-Loving Trash

[contextly_sidebar id="FvKGR9UDQgJA05LJue3f1tXzPJeYusWZ"]Oh, "Fox & Friends." The only morning "news" show capable of asking why sharks insist on living in the ocean. This should be good. 'Splain all the violence, Brian Kilmeade:

The thing is, these people who show up for Donald Trump rallies are there for Donald Trump. The people that cause the uproar are against Donald Trump. [...]

And what my analogy, is if you're at a Red Sox bar and you're a Yankee fan and you're screaming for the Yankees in a Red Sox bar, you're going to get beat up. And technically that's wrong, but you should not go into a Red Sox bar as a Yankee fan.

[contextly_sidebar id="MqnYbHdI7KCdT7FwjMEGQ7NGpd0sbsw0"]Oh! Well that's simple! If you are a Bernie Hillzbian Obama fan, you shouldn't go to the bar where the Trump fans go to drunkenly beat the fuck out of people's faces and shove Trump buttplugs up each other's a-holes in the bathroom. Why, it would be like if the Sharks went to the Jets bar, or the cast of "In Living Color" went to the Ku Klux Klan bar, or your local Jewishes decided to do a social event at the Hitler bar and everybody was doing that Hitler salute and ... oh fuck wait, that's what happens at Trump rallies.

Stacey Dash Knows You Can Take Trump Out Of The Ghetto, But You Can't Take The Ghetto Out Of Trump

Stacey Dash wistfully remembers how an impoverished Donald Trump pulled himself up by his bootstraps from humble beginnings as the son of a real estate magnate, and became an even more tremendous real estate magnate. But Trump never forgot what it was like to live on the mean streets:

"[H]e’s not violent, he’s just ‘street,'” she continues. “He was born in Queens.”

Dash readily admitted that Trump had a privileged background and wasn’t “hustling on the street, dodging bullets… But there is something about growing up in New York, a certain toughness instilled, a certain level of ‘street’ that can’t be ignored.”

Sorry, yr Wonkette is going to have to sign off from this post, because all this dumbshittery has rendered us completely dead. Thanks, Fox News, you stupid herpes-infested weasel dildos.

[Media Matters / Media Matters again / Mediaite / Right Wing Watch viaJoeMyGod]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.


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