Fox News Having One Million Rage-Gasms Over Drag Queens At White House, Because Of Course

You are probably under the impression that a very nice thing happened at the White House yesterday. Joe Biden signed the Respect for Marriage Act, joined by 2,000 of his closest gay friends. Cyndi Lauper sang "True Colors." And they lit up the White House in rainbow colors just like they did during the Obama administration in 2015, when a less corrupt and illegitimate Supreme Court gave marriage equality to the nation.

Afterward, Joe Biden brought all the drag queens down to the front and his Cabinet members read stories to them, because that is how Drag Queen Story Hour was originally supposed to work, as per the Constitution.

OK maybe not, but there were drag queens present, and that is part of what is really chapping Fox News's ass. They weren't all on the same page with whether or not they hated the "gay marriage" part of it. They were just pretty sure Jesus and the founding fathers DID NOT INTEND for drag queens to walk through the halls of the White House and get their wigs all over everything.

Here are somecollected screengrabs. Drag queens! Drag queens! They're everywhere! Drag queens! All Fox News viewers shit your fucking Depends right now!

Obviously, the Fox News crusade against fun continues. Not sure why they think it's a winning message, but hey, sure, some of their white viewers won't die of old age for a couple more years, at least. Might as well keep 'em mad in the meantime.

Kellyanne Conway was outraged about the drag queens. She wanted to make very clear that Donald Trump was the first president who ever TRULY loved gay marriage — he criticized the Supreme Court's marriage equality ruling in 2016 and threatened to nominate severe bigot Supreme Court justices, and oh look, he did! — but DRAG QUEENS? At the PEOPLE'S HOUSE? Appalling!

Christ, what a fun mom she must be.

Here is Tucker Carlson saying ... oh please just watch it for yourself:

Yes, that quote was:

"HERE'S A DRAG SHOW! WELCOME TO WEIMAR! Yeah, what happens next?"

Obviously, Tucker's show was totally fucking weird. This is the full clip that includes the "Weimar" line.

Drag queens! Drag queens! They're distracting you with drag queens! Weimar!

In this clip, his guest asks what part of "respect for marriage" is represented by "a man dressing up as a ridiculous stereotype of a woman and prancing back and forth?" What part of "respect for marriage" is about "persecuting Christians and people who refuse to go along with this bill?" (Persecuting.) The guest also says events like this keep the Biden administration from confronting what's going on "at the border." And more weird things! Just an entire minute of weird things!

Tucker insisted that gay marriage is FINE WITH HIM, JUST FINE, and then immediately rattled off a bunch of scare words about "gender-affirming care" and "child sexual mutilation" and "cutting the breasts off 15-year-olds" and "Boston Children's Hospital." Because that's what this is REALLY about, in his eyes.

In this clip, Tucker said the gay marriage bill wasn't necessary, and that it wasn't necessary for Joe Biden and Kamala Harris to affirm their support for contraception and interracial marriage, because NOBODY is going after those things. He said contraception (Griswold v. Connecticut, 1965) and interracial marriage (Loving v. Virginia, 1967) aren't in danger because they have both been legal for SO LONG. Of course, in his concurrence overturning Roe v. Wade (1973), Clarence Thomas specifically put a target on Griswold's back. Thomas didn't mention interracial marriage, presumably because that one personally affects him.

Tucker was also mad in that clip that Democrats recently passed an anti-lynching bill. How was THAT even necessary?

OK that's enough Tucker.

Oh hey, Laura Ingraham, whatcha doin'? Just being a whole entire fucking pain in the ass and telling religious people that they have fewer rights now than they did before Joe Biden signed the marriage bill? Cool.

Of course when she says those people have fewer rights, she means they have fewer rights to impose their unhinged pigfuck bigot beliefs on people they've never met. It's important for her to be clear about what she means. She should do that next time.

Finally, here is Sean Hannity bitching for some reason that he was required to watch Cyndi Lauper perform.

Sorry, Cyndi Lauper. The Lou Costello lookalike from hell isn't a fan of yours.

Those are his true colors. You are required by law to accept them now.

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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