Donald Trump went on Fox News and BRAGGED to an actual medical doctor named Marc Siegel that he can remember five things in order. "Shark! Big Mac! Fire Truck! Pussy! Airp'ane!" (Were those the five words? We forget, because we are not a stable genius.) It's really difficult, hardly anybody can do it, the doctors all said it was amazing. And the Fox News doctor Siegel nodded along and smiled, and we assumed because he is an actual doctor that he was trying not to laugh and really wanted to GTFO.

We did allow, though, that because he is a Fox News doctor, he might be an absolute moron, and he might have actually been impressed. Turns out we were too fair to the doctor, who is an idiot.

Siegel went on "Fox & Friends" this morning and left Zoom snail trails all over Brian Kilmeade as he bragged on the very super smart president, who remembered the five words SO GOOD, and who knows with presidential certainty which one is "elephant" and which one is "camel." Siegel said Trump was "upbeat, confident, but very serious," and that they are going to take the coronavirus vaccine together! And then afterward Trump will say five more words, maybe? Siegel did not say, but we bet Trump will. "Bigly. Space Force. Nipple. Ivanka. F-35 Airplanes Are Literally Invisible!" We bet he will say those words, in just that order.


Then Siegel 'splained how very super-smart Trump is, because of how he didn't even fall asleep or poop his pants during the interview.


SIEGEL: In a sense, that interview was a cognitive test.

It absolutely was not, but how goddamned sad is it that the bar is so low that we are considering the ability to bumblefuck his way through an interview with Doctor North Korean News Lady Siegel from Fox News as a sign that Trump is "cognitively there," as the president bragged.

SIEGEL: As you know, he is extremely sharp on every second. And he did a test on TV where he basically, you know, went through how great his memory is.

Person. Woman. Man. Camera. TV. And if you get them in order, you get extra points! And they said, "That's amazing! How did you do that?" And Trump knew he did that because he has one of the all-time great memories.

SIEGEL: And what he said was even all of the major leaders of the world, Ainsley. He talked about Putin, he talked about Chairman Xi. Whatever you think of them, they are extremely sharp, and we need a leader that has that level of awareness and sharpness.

Wow, Trump was able to remember the names of not one but TWO dictators he has crushes on, and who he's pretty obviously indebted to in some way? We are impressed.

It's funny because literally all the accounts we have — cf. John Bolton, for instance! — are that Trump just gets ROLLED by Putin and Xi every time he talks to them, because of how goddamned stupid he is.

But sure, hey, whatever makes you blow ropes, Fox News idiot doctor man (woman camera tv).

Please give Kilmeade a towel so he can clean off the Zoom screen.

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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