Fox News Judge Napolitano Not Through Talking About President Crimey's Crimes

Well, we knew that was going to leave a mark. And when we say "that," we obviously mean what happened when Fox News Judge Andrew Napolitano decided to make a video and write an op-ed analyzing the Mueller Report's findings on Donald Trump's obstruction of justice, and stating in no uncertain terms that Trump had committed VERY MANY CRIMES.

And again, this was on Fox News. And it was Judge Napolitano, not Shep Smith -- not that it's any less valid when Shep Smith tells the truth on a regular basis, but rather just that Fox News viewers are already pretty used to Shep doing that, and we assume when his show comes on, many of them take a break from the TV and go wash the BBQ sauce out of their underpants.

Point being:

Yep, like we said, it left a mark!

And of course Trump is citing Alan Dershowitz, who's turned into little more than a maundering Trump-sucking idiot these days. (You know, when he's not busy in court fighting Epstein-related stuff.)

But did Andrew Napolitano really beg Trump to put him on the Supreme Court? Did he really ask for a pardon for somebody? Is he really a "pal" of Shep? We, of course, assume Trump is lying, because Trump lies every single day about every single thing. (He's sung over 10,000 "inaccurate refrains" in his presidency so far, that we know of!)

As one might expect, Napolitano -- who has curiously not been fired from Fox News for telling the truth yet -- has responded to the president's weekend rage tweets, and according to his side of the story (which we're more inclined to believe since Napolitano is in the news right now for telling the truth, whereas Trump is in the news for breaking his own land speed record for lying), literally nothing Trump said right there is true.

It happened over there on the Fox Business network, with Maria Bartiromo:

Napolitano seemed a bit amused as the conversation started, asking, "This is the way you treat your friends? How do you treat your enemies?" (Like shit. He treats all people like shit.)

As for the Supreme Court story, Napolitano said no, he did not beg to get Antonin Scalia's seat, that he was advocating for Neil Gorsuch, but that Trump said he sounded like he was describing himself as he extolled Gorsuch's virtues:

I said, "no, no, I'm not describing myself. I'm describing Neil Gorsuch because you have this list of people from which you want to choose, and Judge Gorsuch is the person that I think most of your advisers are going to point to."

After that, Napolitano said Trump told him to "give a spiel" for why Trump should appoint HIM, so he sort of did it (it sounds like this was all in jest), after which somebody in the room said Napolitano was far too Old Balls to get a Supreme Court appointment, and Trump was like FUCK YOU, because Trump is also very extremely Old Balls.

The pardon thing, though? THAT THERE IS SOME NEWS! Because apparently, per Napolitano's telling, Trump asked about a "mutual friend of his and mine" who had been convicted of crimes, and how Napolitano felt about that conviction. Napolitano said he thought it was a perfectly legal and perfectly cool conviction, but Trump did not think so (Trump is lawless), so he said "a very strong term" about it. We reasonably infer that Napolitano is implying Trump said a big cuss!

And then Trump tried to obstruct some justice after the fact:

He said , "You know this person as well as I do. Call this person up and tell this person he's going to be on the list of pardons that I will seriously consider." That was the extent of that conversation.


At the end of the clip, Napolitano said Trump's tweets were "brilliant," but not like in the "he has a good brain" way, but just because Trump obviously doesn't want to talk about how Napolitano WENT ON THE FOX NEWS AND SAID THE PRESIDENT HAS COMMITTED MULTIPLE CRIMES, and also basically called his attorney general an idiot. So he's distracting everybody by making up lies about Andrew Napolitano on Twitter, who seems to think this little tantrum is pretty funny, considering how he and Trump have been friends for 30 years, and he says they'll probably be friends for 30 more. (One more person for Napolitano to go visit in prison, we guess.)

The point of this post was that we didn't want y'all to forget that the Fox News judge literally called Trump an immoral criminal who's committed lots of crimes, and you know why? Because the Fox News judge knows how to fucking read, and he read the Mueller Report.

The other point of this post is that this very post is a figment of your imagination, because Trump tweeted just this morning that the Mueller Report exonerates him SO HARD that Democrats are now pretending they've never heard of Robert Mueller, which means we couldn't possibly be writing about anything like that:

The president's brain is a national security emergency.


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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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