Fox News Reveals TRUTH About Hillary Uranium Story, And It Is ... Oh It's Bullshit, Shep? Thanks!
SHE IS LAUGHING ABOUT URANIUM.
Do you need a break from the Roy Moore saga? We need a break from the Roy Moore saga. So let us please revisit the story of Hillary Clinton and Robert Mueller emailing all the American uranium to Russia inside Vince Foster's body. Shut up, it is too the real Russia story!
Look, we know the lamestream fake news can't stop talking about how Donald Trump is a "failure" and Trump's campaign "obviously conspired with Russia to steal the election," but don't worry, we're going to keep ignoring that. We know Fox News is here to tell us what is actually the news, which is why Wonkette will be changing its name to War On Christmas Watch the day after Thanksgiving. Uh oh, did we spoil the surprise?
But maybe the Hillary Uranium One story isn't the real Russia story either (FROWN), because Fox News ran a segment Wednesday fully debunking it. Don't shoot the messenger (Wonkette), you guys! Don't shoot Fox News either, because it's just trying to do the grade-A #journalisms it's always been known for.
We want you to see the Fox News video for yourself, just so you can know for certain we're not Washington Post reporter "Hillary PizzaGate," offering you 1000$ to believe fake news:
WHOA. IF. TRUE.
And this happened the same day Attorney General Jeff Sessions testified to Congress in a testy exchange with
pant-shitting wingnut REAL AMERICAN PATRIOT Rep. Jim Jordan that there simply doesn't appear to be a factual basis for appointing a special counsel to investigate Hillary's uranium crimes. What is even happening here?
Didn't Rep. Louie Gohmert show everybody a very sensible chart explaining why Hillary should be locked up for "uranium" during Sessions's testimony on Tuesday?
And didn't Sean Hannity show everybody a very sensible Glenn Beck white board on his show Tuesday night, which proves that Uranium One is the REAL Russia story?
We just don't know what to believe.
Maybe Gabby Neighborhood, the famous New York Times reporter, can lend us some insight:
Oh golly, it's somethin'!
But wait, don't Gabby and her newsrag share responsibility for hyping this bullshit in the first place? That's right, they do:
As always, fuck you, Maggie Haberman.
OH WAIT BREAKING NEWS, Wonkette has just been informed that the Fox News video above is invalid because it features Shep Smith AKA "the sane one at Fox" AKA "the gay one." We don't have to listen to what he says, and Sean Hannity wouldn't want us to.
In conclusion, Hillary's Uranium is definitely still the real Russia story, and if you're nice, maybe Wonkette will manufacture some Hillary Uranium Onesies for your baby to wear this War On Christmas season, for the purpose of informing people of THE REAL TRUTH.
Here, have an open thread.
You we earned it.
Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT HERE.
Wonkette salaries, servers, and all of the things are fully funded by readers like you! If you love us, click here to fund us!
Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.
Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.