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It turns out Piper has one other hobby besides calling into morning drive-time radio shows: ballet. After this is revealed at about the three-minute mark, Steve Doocy predicts Piper will tell Bristol to "SHAKE IT, SHAKE IT, SHAKE IT." "I know how little kids talk," he explains. Yes, tell that to Piper when she is president of Fox News in a couple of years and waterboards you for saying that, Doocy. So have you vomited yet, dear reader? If you want to liberate the contents of your stomach, go ahead and watch the following video of Bristol's "first rehearsal."

Democracy. Dooom dooom. [YouTube]

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