Vice President Harris in Chicago, which is NOT MEXICO.

If you pay any attention to Fox News or GOP politics, you know they have conceived a fake border crisis baby together, and now they expect everyone to congratulate them and like every picture they post of it on Facebook. To be clear, there is no "surge" at the border, at least not anything that wasn't completely predictable. (Hit that Washington Post link for an explanation.)

Are there issues? Surely. Are Fox News and the GOP concerned about the actual issues, or are they just paste-eating racists looking to attack the Biden administration for literally anything? We report, you decide.

Last month, President Joe Biden made Vice President Kamala Harris the point person on the border issues, and according to her office, her more precise job is to "engage Mexico and the Northern Triangle to address the root causes of migration and to oversee the flow and use of U.S. aid." From the very beginning it's been that. They've been saying it's about the "root causes" since Biden announced it.

But let's be real here: Fox News and the GOP wouldn't be happy unless Vice President Harris joined one of those redneck border militias, the ones that steal the bottled water that kind humans leave for migrants crossing the border. They wouldn't be happy unless she personally set up a baby-snatching booth at the crossing in Reynosa, to personally snatch some babies out of their mommies' arms. None of Harris's actual responsibilities have anything to do with whatever "BROWN FOLK ALERT!" Fox News is shitting its Underoos over.

It goes without saying that Fox News is bitching A LOT right now.

Today, Fox News is BLARING that

Kamala Harris has gone 15 days without a news conference since being tapped for border crisis role

Oh no! Kamala Harris is not doing a news conference on the border crisis Fox News and Republicans made up! Harris is "missing in action," says Nikki Haley, who can go fuck herself.

What is Vice President Harris doing instead? Oh just EATIN' STUFF, instead of going to the border and doing whatever racist shit Fox News and Republicans wish she was doing.

Despite visiting her Los Angeles-area home last weekend, where she baked a "beautiful" pork roast and made rice and peas, according to the Los Angeles Times, Harris did not travel to California's border region.

Madam Veep could have AT LEAST gone to the border and thrown some of that pork and rice and peas at a migrant child's face. RNC Chair Ronna (Romney) McDaniel made similar good-faith complaints in a Fox News op-ed, arguing that Harris could have totally gone to the border because "she has her own plane."

After Harris left Los Angeles, she went to Chicago. Where's the border crisis? Well, again, it's imaginary, but also NOT IN CHICAGO, as Fox News is here to remind us.

Tell us more, Fox News:

VP Harris visits Chicago bakery even as border crisis escalates

OH NO! She's eating snacks!

Fox News explains, in its journalistic way, that Harris "visited a bakery in Chicago, coming away with a piece of German chocolate cake — even as she faces scrutiny for not having visited the overwhelmed southern border." Which is just totally a normal journalism sentence. The vice president had a piece of German chocolate cake, right in the middle of Fox News's bellyaching shitfit about the border. How daaaaaaaare she?

According to the pool report, Harris loves German chocolate cake, despite how she is not currently on the border saying "NO WAY, JOSE" to migrants who aren't even named Jose.

That article has a helpful reference link that tells us that "KAMALA HARRIS HAS GONE 14 DAYS WITHOUT A NEWS CONFERENCE SINCE BEING TAPPED FOR BORDER CRISIS ROLE," because it was published yesterday, when she had gone 14 days without a news conference about the border. We did a perfunctory check, and none of the other networks are keeping track like this.

Elsewhere on Fox News, "Fox & Friends" guest Autry Pruitt, a Black Republican who has run for office in Texas, angrily huffed to Ainsley Earhardt that Vice President Harris was only put in charge of border things "because she has brown skin." As you can see from the Fox News graphics, this happened when there had been 13 DAYS without a news conference about the pretend border crisis Fox News and the GOP made up together:

Pruitt added:

"What other reason is there?" Pruitt said. "Is she some kind of border expert? Has she spent years at the border? She won't even go to the border."

Can't fix the fake Fox News/Republican border "crisis" if you won't go to the border and stay there!

Want another Fox News article whining about this shit? Here's one. Therein, Fox News also whines that the Biden administration won't even call their made-up crisis a "crisis," BOO HOO, oh go step on a rake.

Want another one? Here's a Fox News video clip from April 4 of esteemed political analyst "Eric Trump's wife" arglebargling about WHAR KAMALA?

Want another one? Here's one from this morning about GOP House Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy bitching and moaning that Harris hasn't been to the border, while also scare-mongering about Ay-rab terrorists crossing the border. (We guess they're dressing up as young Guatemalan children.) In that article, McCarthy also whines that congressional Democrats are calling him on his bullshit about Ay-rab terrorists crossing the border.

And of course, Fox News is also mad — what are we up to? 19,000 Fox News articles about this in the last four days? Jesus fucking hell — that White House Press Secretary Jen Psaki has been VERY DISMISSIVE of all their caterwauling about this. When a reporter whined about Harris eating cake in Chicago, Psaki said:

"I would say the vice president was visiting Chicago to talk about COVID and the importance of communities getting the vaccine when it is available and accessible to them," Psaki explained. "While she was there, like many Americans, she got a snack. I think she's allowed to do that."

That article was published yesterday. Also published yesterday is this Fox News article about literally the same thing, except this time Fox is sobbing and saying

Psaki snaps when asked why VP Harris had time to visit Chicago bakery but not border, 'she got a snack'

OH NO! The dreaded Psaki Psnap!

Fox News is so fucking worthless it's beyond words.

[Fox News / Business Insider]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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