Mad face

EXTREMELY important Tucker Carlson news update, on the most important and consequential thing that's happening in his life.

We are of course talking about the very real and true non-lie story Tucker's been telling about how the NSA put wire tapps in his bottom, which you can believe because when has Tucker's integrity ever been called into question? (If the NSA has picked up Tucker's falsetto shrieks in surveillance, it COULD be because he's apparently been trying to get close enough to Vladimir Putin to get an interview for a while now.)

The sad news for Tucker, which is reportedly making him FURIOUS, is that Fox News brass still doesn't seem to either believe him OR give a shit.


One of the sources described Carlson as "furious" with network executives, especially the public relations team, "for not backing him up."

"Tensions are sky high," the person said.

Another source pointed out that Carlson has "always had tension with" management, but said right now he's "extra pissed."

Carlson has complained to colleagues and associates about what he perceives as a lack of support.

Poor Tucker is unsupported! That's not a thing Swanson frozen dinner heirs probably ever say about themselves!

Tucker of course denies, because of course Tucker denies. And again, has Tucker ever done anything to make the average person call the veracity of his denials into question? We report, you start making lists in your head while saying "WELL ACTUALLY ... "

"I'm not mad at anyone at Fox," he said. "If I was, I'd say so. I'm mad at you for lying relentlessly. What a loathsome person you are. Please print that."

Backing away slowly.

From the very beginning of this surely very interesting story, it's been reported that Fox News doesn't seem to give a crap about old Klanhood McYelpsALot whining about the NSA on his nightly white power talk therapy hour. Those who pay more attention than we ever will have also noted that the actual Fox News network hasn't said dick about it on-air. If this was a thing they thought was real or cared about, you can bet your ass the moron couch at "Fox & Friends" and all the rest of them would be snarfing it down like an open bag of Snausages.

But alas:

Fox pointedly has not covered his claims on its newscasts, even though such an intrusion would normally be a significant news story. Fox has not shown any outward signs of investigating Carlson's claims, either.

Noting some of Tucker's most recent complaints and lamentations, CNN Business further reports:

Carlson claimed that Biden's NSA has leaked the contents of his emails to other members of the media. One of the banners on his show said, "NSA LEAKED TUCKER'S EMAILS TO JOURNALISTS."

Ordinarily a TV network would be quick to denounce such a thing, if it actually happened. But Fox News executives have been noticeably silent during the back and forth.

You'd think. You know, if any of this was real, or mattered. The Fox News bigwigs haven't said anything. Tucker's fellow prime-timers aren't saying anything. Nobody cares.

CNN Business notes that there have been a couple of notable exceptions, but one of them is literally the dumbest, most batshit person on the air at Fox. (Rhymes with "Fartiromo") That fucking idiot was on TV this weekend helping spread Donald Trump's fever dreams about poor innocent Ashli Babbitt being executed by the state simply for visiting the Capitol gift shop. The other one was apparently Jesse Watters, but CNN Business notes that he didn't even cover it as a declarative story, instead framing it as a question: "Is Tucker Carlson being spied on by the Biden administration?"

If those are the only two people in your corner — especially Maria Bartiromo, shouting batshit into the abyss about God knows what and leaving everyone to wonder if somebody should call the emergency contact she listed on her HR form, just for her own safety — you might as well have no one in your corner at all.

[CNN Business]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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