Fox News Still Tingling At Prospect Of Elon Musk Breaking Twitter
Last week Elon Musk announced that he'd plunked down a couple billion dollars for a 9.2 percent stake in Twitter. You know, as one does when one is an eccentric billionaire whose net worth is more than that of Goldman Sachs, living in a country with preposterously unfair tax laws that allow such a thing to happen.
In short order, Twitter CEO Parag Agrawal announced that Musk would be joining the board of directors.
He\u2019s both a passionate believer and intense critic of the service which is exactly what we need on @Twitter, and in the boardroom, to make us stronger in the long-term. Welcome Elon!— Parag Agrawal (@Parag Agrawal) 1649161971
As if to pre-empt the haters who might point out that having a notoriously erratic guy who can afford to tank the company's stock in the boardroom might present some, uh, challenges, Agrawal's predecessor Jack Dorsey chimed in: "I’m really happy Elon is joining the Twitter board! He cares deeply about our world and Twitter’s role in it. Parag and Elon both lead with their hearts, and they will be an incredible team."
Musk rewarded their enthusiasm by wondering out loud for his 81 million followers if Twitter was "dying" because Barack Obama and Justin Bieber don't tweet enough, or something. This proved that if there's anyone on earth who can simultaneously piss into and out of a tent, it's this guy.
Meanwhile, conservatives experienced a collective tingle in their Down Theres at the thought that Musk, with his complete misunderstanding of the First Amendment, might use his influence to bring back Donald Trump and allow the horse paste enthusiasts and Q loons to run rampant on the site again.
Fox's Brian Kilmeade wanked out this article bemoaning the "busted apart" compact between mainstream media and Real Amurika, so broken apparently because no one covers Hunter Biden's laptop, or something.
Musk has hinted at shaking up the social media industry before, and now he has that platform and he's in control — he's on the board, and he is the biggest shareholder. We know social media goes out of its way to block the truth that they don't like or they think might be not worth us knowing — that's their decision. Freeing up mainstream sources to totally ignore it as well. They were tight. They were one. So can Musk be the reality check the media needs to cover things more fairly? Could they lead Twitter and then force the other big tech outlets to follow his lead? Piecing back together that trust that was blasted apart over the last few years? My fingers are crossed. The answer is yes.
Sadly, it was not meant to be. Late last night Agrawal tweeted that Musk would not be joining the board after all.
Elon has decided not to join our board. I sent a brief note to the company, sharing with you all here.pic.twitter.com/lfrXACavvk— Parag Agrawal (@Parag Agrawal) 1649646833
We are not a financial or tech reporter, and we will leave it to others to speculate whether this means that Musk intends to attempt a hostile takeover of the company. But as a lawyer, we would note that "having Elon as a fiduciary of the company, where he, like all board members, has to act in the best interests of the company and all our shareholders" would certainly have been "the best path forward" for Twitter. As a fiduciary, he'd have had to quit disparaging the company publicly and stop doing crazy shit to depress the stock price. And as a board member, he'd have been capped at owning no more than 14.9 percent of the company's stock.
Who the hell knows what comes next for Musk and Twitter. But thanks to Crooks and Liars, we know what comes next for the wingnut loons who thought Musk was going to turn asylum over to the inmates, and it is whiiiiiiiiiiiine.
"If this is the public square, let it be the public square!" shouted Charles Payne. (It is not the public square, it's a private company.)
Meanwhile, Brian Kilmeade is still spanking that monkey: "I think Elon is gonna walk into work one day and he is going to say 'I'm going to start using my power. I bought more of it, Donald Trump is back on the line. I'm going to put all these people back on. And maybe I'll let everybody understand it's going to be a lot looser when the so-called freedom of speech suspensions happen," Kilmeade opined.
"They made a decision to suppress conservative thought at every turn, and it's gonna cost them," he ranted about the non-existent shadow-banning of conservatives.
Then Ainsley Earhardt, who is actually a real person, chimed in that she hopes Musk buys more Twitter stock so conservatives can get back on and make the site more positive like Instagram and TikTok.
"You go on Twitter and it's negative, a lot of it's hate," tut-tutted the woman who shares a network with Tucker Carlson and is rumored to be in a romantic relationship with Sean Hannity.
"He's gonna do something, stay tuned," Steve Doocy ended the segment. And perhaps he is. Or perhaps Elon Musk will wander off and break something else.
This is no way to run a country, but here we are.
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Liz Dye lives in Baltimore with her wonderful husband and a houseful of teenagers. When she isn't being mad about a thing on the internet, she's hiding in plain sight in the carpool line. She's the one wearing yoga pants glaring at her phone.