Gretchen Carlson and Roger Ailes

Oh goodness gracious, there is trouble at Fox News! Gretchen Carlson, the 1989 Miss America who spent many years at Fox News pretending to be stupid, has allegedly been fired for failing to fuck Fox News chairman and CEO Roger Ailes, pictured above at right, on his penis. She confirmed that she's no longer a Fox News Lady, on her Twitter:

Carlson filed a lawsuit in Bergen County, New Jersey, alleging that Ailes "retaliated against [her] and sabotaged her career because she refused his sexual advances," and also because she actually spoke up about sexual harassment at Fox News. Where does the little lady get off, that's what Ailes would probably like to know!

According to the suit, Ailes told Carlson all her problems at Fox wouldn't exist if only she would make sex to him, which, we must emphasize, involves making human contact with Roger Ailes's naked body and genital accoutrements. When Carlson brought her problems to Ailes's attention, here is what he reportedly said:

I think you and I should have had a sexual relationship a long time ago ago, and then you'd be good and better and I'd be good and better.

EW. Nobody on this planet or any other is "good and better" because of the time they've spent inside the pants of Roger Ailes.

[wonkbar]<a href=""></a>[/wonkbar]So nine months later, at the end of her contract, Gretchen Carlson was fired. Hmmmm, remember when Gretchen decided to be actually smart and advocate for reinstating the federal assault weapons ban? That was just before she was terminated. Wonder if it was somehow her final "fuck you" to the network?

Anyway, Carlson's allegations are long and detailed. On top of claiming she was denied fair pay and other opportunities because of her completely normal lack of interest in having Roger Ailes grunt sexually on top of her, she tells a story of an insanely hostile work environment for women at the Fox News Network. She says that, during her time at "Fox & Friends," cohost Steve Doocy was a big honking sexist and serial sexual harrasser who basically treated her like a "blond female prop."

[wonkbar]<a href=""></a>[/wonkbar](And here we always thought Brian Kilmeade was the rapey co-host, because remember the time Gretchen stormed the fuck off the set because Kilmeade was being all rapey and gross? Meh, no worries, all the Fox News dudes are "the rapey one," and Kilmeade's official title is safe.)

Upon learning of what chauvinistic buttfucks Carlson was working with at "Fox & Friends," Roger Ailes allegedly called her a "man-hater" and a "killer" and told her she just needed to learn to get along with them silly boys. Then he probably asked her if he could smush his limp, flaccid penis up into a knot and rub it on her vagina, although that is not specifically stated in the suit. Ailes removed Carlson from "Fox & Friends" in 2013.

Carlson states that, once she had been shunted off to an afternoon time slot, she wasn't supported like other coworkers who "did not complain about sexual harassment or rebuff [Ailes's] sexual advances" were, which leads us to wonder which Fox News personalities ARE fucking Ailes. Megyn Kelly? Andrea Tantaros? Sean Hannity? STOP FUCKING ROGER AILES IN THE FANNY, BILL O'REILLY, ALLEGEDLY!

Here is a laundry list of other gross allegations, verbatim, from the suit:

  • Ogling Carlson in his office and asking her to turn around so he could view her posterior.
  • Commenting that certain outfits enhanced Carlson's figure and urging her to wear them every day.
  • Commenting repeatedly about Carlson's legs.
  • Wondering aloud how anyone could be married to Carlson, while making sexual advances by various means, including by stating that if he could choose one person to be stranded with on a desert island, she would be that person.
  • Boasting to other attendees (at an event where Carlson walked over to greet him) that he always stays seated when a woman walks over to him so she has to bend over to say hello.
  • Embarrassing Ms. Carlson by stating to others in her presence that he had "slept" with three former Miss Americas but not with her.

Ugh gross vomit BRB throwing up forever. (And also, three former Miss Americas, STOP FUCKING ROGER AILES, ALLEGEDLY.)

Of course, none of this is surprising, considering Ailes's long, well-documented history of being a rapey, sexist fuckwaffle. Media Matters has a fancy roundup of his obsession with his lady anchors' legs, and Gretchen Carlson has even spoken of the "No Pants Allowed" policy for women at "Fox & Friends." They have to wear skirts, presumably so Ailes can sneak peeks of lady crotch whenever he has the opportunity.

Oh, and one time, according to Gabriel Sherman's Ailes biography The Loudest Voice In The Room, the disgusting pig beast of Fox remarked of Carlson's Miss America win that "It must not have been a good year."

Gretchen Carlson would like ALL THE DAMAGES PLEASE, and Wonkette hopes she gets them. We additionally wish her all the success in the world finding a new job where she doesn't have to act like A Idiot all the time every day of her life.

[New York Daily News]

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